From: utzoo!decvax!harpo!eagle!mhuxt!mhuxj!mhuxa!houxm!ihnp4!ihuxv!angel
Newsgroups: net.singles
Title: Unequal Emotions
Article-I.D.: ihuxv.464
Posted: Thu May  5 13:01:15 1983
Received: Thu May 19 02:38:40 1983


Regarding different levels of emotional involvement, we all must have 
experienced this before. In fact, it seems to be true to some degree
in all relationships. When those emotional differences dictate differing
degrees of committment, I think that's when the trouble begins.

In those first romantic days of a relationship, both people may have
similar interests with respect to getting "close." At that point,
I am influenced to a great degree by the interest the other person
shows for me. However, there is a point where that other person's
interests don't affect yours as much. I think that is one of the powers
of love: that your feelings remain, regardless of what the other person feels.

That is the problem! If the inequality is great, it will be a definite
source of pain. Let's assume for the sake of discussion that this guy
is crazy about this girl he's been going out with for a short while, but
she has made it quite clear that she is in it for fun and casual relations
only. (Surely the reverse situation is just as believable.) If he has not
committed too much energy to the relationship, he might have a chance to
head off his emotions, saying perhaps "Well if she's not that interested,
then I'll keep it casual too." Fine for both parties.

What if things have gotten further along than that? He can't just turn off
his love for her -- regardless of how she feels. A natural reaction might
be to try to influence her opinion. That gets into pressure scenes, ect.
Here she is trying to keep things casual and he's gone off the deep end.

It is my opinion that any great inequalities of feeling should be dealt
with openly and honestly as soon as possible. This may be hard, depressing ect,
but necessary.

Signed, Dean