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From: ellis@flairvax.UUCP (Michael Ellis)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: subtlety
Message-ID: <128@flairvax.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 23-May-83 14:36:03 EDT
Article-I.D.: flairvax.128
Posted: Mon May 23 14:36:03 1983
Date-Received: Wed, 25-May-83 03:20:42 EDT
References: sdcsvax.180 pyuxjj.476
Lines: 32


    A recent submission to this group captured much of what seems to be
    wrong in many of our lives -- especially men -- especially men who
    work with computers:

<<The use of subtlety implies that you assume the other person is aware of
  your intentions, and is able to pick up what you think are 'subtle hints'.
  But subtlety, by males and females alike, is really just subterfuge.  The
  idea is that you're not secure enough to say/do something bold that expresses
  your feelings to another person precisely and succinctly, so you play games.
  ...
  This kind of "subtlety" permeates large portions of our lives.  Rather than
  being direct with someone about how we feel, we ASSUME that they will
  understand when we say something 'subtly', i.e., without precisely making
  a point.>>

    If people are really so simple that what they are can be clearly fixed
    and expressed by a few "words", then subtlety is subterfuge. However
    as I get older, and more separate from simple categories like "man"
    or "computer wizard", I discover the garbage floating around in my
    head becomes more irrelevant to what I really want.

    Sometimes I meet a woman I think I want to get to know better. The
    next moment my mind changes. If she were to come up and ask me to
    say precisely how I felt, my very feelings would be transformed by
    her request; they would transform as my response left my mouth.

    Would any truth have resulted from such a verbal exchange? Or would
    reality have been better expressed in the silence of fleeting glances?

					Michael Ellis
					..decwrl!flairvax!ellis