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From: jsq@ut-sally.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: Re: PhD
Message-ID: <93@ut-sally.UUCP>
Date: Sun, 14-Aug-83 02:54:09 EDT
Article-I.D.: ut-sally.93
Posted: Sun Aug 14 02:54:09 1983
Date-Received: Mon, 15-Aug-83 10:29:15 EDT
References: <145@uw70.UUCP>
Lines: 103

Your PhD general seems to be derived from the following.
Questions that appeared in the previous article are starred
for impatient readers.


CERTIFICATION TEST FOR SENIOR GENERALISTS

INSTRUCTIONS:

Read each question carefully.  Answer all questions.
Time limit 4 hours.  Begin immediately.  Work in mumerical
order (equipment remaining from Question No. 1 may prove
useful with Questions 3 and 6).

1.\Medicine./  (A) You have been provided with a razor blade,
a piece of gauze, and a bottle of Scotch.  Remove your appendix.
Do not suture until your work has been inspected.  (You have 15
minutes.)  (B) If the examiner approves you work, complete the
health insurance forms necessary to receive reimbursement for
the operation; if your work does not pass inspection, complete
paperwork necessary to file a malpractice suit. (10 minutes)

*2.\History./ Describe the history of the papacy from its origins
to the present day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively,
on its social, political, economic, religious and philisophical 
impact upon Europe, Asia, America, and Africa.  Be brief, concise,
and specific.

*3.\Public Speaking./ Two thousand drug-crazed aborigines are
storming the classroom.  Calm them.  You may use any ancient
language except Latin or Greek.

*4.\Biology./ Create life.  Estimate the differences in subsequent
human culture if this form of life had created 500 million years
ago or earlier, with special attention to its probable effect on the
English parliamentary system.

*5.\Music./ Write a piano concerto.  Orchestrate and perform it with
flute and violin.  You will find a piano under your seat.

*6.\Engineering./ The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle
have been placed on your desk.  You will also find an instruction manual
printed in Swahili.  In 10 minutes, a hungry Bengal tiger will be
admitted to the room.  Take whatever action you feel is appropriate.
Be prepared to justify your decision.

*7.\Sociology./ What sociological problems might accompany the end
of the world.  Construct an experiment to test your theory.

8.\Management Science./ Define management.  Define science.
How do they relate?  Create a generalized algorithm to optimize
all managerial decisions.  Assuming a 7600K CPU supporting 50 terminals,
each terminal to activate your algorithm, design the communications
interface and all necessary control programs.

*9.\Psychology./ Based on your knowledge of their works, evaluate
the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed
anxieties of each:  Moses, Alexander of Aphrodinias, Rameses II,
Gregory of Nicea, Hammurabi; support your evaluation with quotations
from each man's work.  It is not necessary to translate.

*10.\Economics./ Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the
national debt.  Trace the possible effects of your plan on these
areas:  Cubism, the Donatist controversy, the wave theory of light.

11.\Epistomology./ Take a position for or against truth.  Prove the
validity of your position.

*12.\Classical Physics./ Explain the nature of matter.  Include
in your answer an evaluation of the impact of the development
of mathematics on science.

13.\Modern Physics./ Produce element 107.  Determine its half-life.

14.\Energy Resources./ Construct a working fusion reaction from the
materials provided you for questions 1, 5, and 6.

15.\Foreign Affairs./ It has recently been suggested that only a
foreign war can restore America's lost national consensus.  Propose
the ideal opponent(s) for the U.S. in such a war, and how the conflict
might be engineered.  Discuss the pros and cons.

16.\Art./ Explain the Mona Lisa's smile.

17.\Juris Prudence./ In Part 2 of Shakespeare's ``Henry VI'',
Jack Cade, the leader of a populist revolt, proposes that the
first order of business follwing the successful seizure of power
could be ``to kill all the lawyers.''  In light of the present
populist mood in the United States, assess the utility and
potential impact of such a policy today.

*18.\Philosophy./ Sketch the development of human thought;
estimate its significance.  Compare with the development of any
other kind of thought.

*19.\General Knowledge./ Describe in detail, briefly.

20.\Extra Credit./ Define the universe; give three examples.


Copied without permission from CoEvolution Quarterly,
No.32 Winter 1981, page 141, where it is attributed as:
	-Submitted by George Root:  author unknown