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Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!seismo!rlgvax!oz
From: oz@rlgvax.UUCP (THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ)
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: Burns and Allen
Message-ID: <1012@rlgvax.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 16-Aug-83 22:16:46 EDT
Article-I.D.: rlgvax.1012
Posted: Tue Aug 16 22:16:46 1983
Date-Received: Thu, 18-Aug-83 00:55:25 EDT
Organization: CCI, Capitol Region
Lines: 89

Continuing our tour of old time comedy, today we find ourselves enjoying the
great team of George Burns and Gracie Allen.  Gracie was the master of illog-
ical logic.  It was Gracie that kept the salt in the pepper shaker and the
pepper in the salt shaker so when people would get them mixed up they would
be right.  George was her straight man, and did it well.  The routine came
from their first appearence at THE PALACE in NY (and more specifically from
a book 'LIVING IT UP' by George Burns).  And now here's George and Gracie.

GRACIE:	My brother Willy was no dummy either.

GEORGE:	Willie?

GRACIE:	Yeah, the one who slept on the floor.

GEORGE:	Why would he sleep on the floor?

GRACIE:	He had high blood pressure--

GEORGE:	And he was trying to keep it down?

GRACIE:	Yeah.

GEORGE:	I'd like to meet Willy.

GRACIE:	You can't miss him, He always wears a high collar to cover the
	appendicitis scar on his neck.

GEORGE:	Gracie, your appendix is down around your waist.

GRACIE:	I know, but Willy was so ticklish they had to operate up there.

GEORGE:	What's Willy doing now?

GRACIE:	He just lost his job.

GEORGE:	Lost his job?

GRACIE:	Yeah, he's a window washer.

GEORGE:	And?

GRACIE:	And. . . he was outside on the twentieth story washing a window
	and when he got through he stepped back to admire his work.

GEORGE:	And he lost he job.

GRACIE:	Yeah. . . And when he hit the pavement he was terribly embarassed.

GEORGE:	Embarrassed?

GRACIE:	Yeah. . . his collar flew off and his appendicitis scar showed.

GEORGE:	Gracie, this family of yours--

GRACIE:	When Willy was a little baby my father took him riding in his carriage
	and two hours later my father came back with a different baby and a
	different carriage.

GEORGE:	Well, what did your mother say.

GRACIE:	My mother didn't say anything because it was a better carriage.

GEORGE:	A better carriage?

GRACIE:	Yeah. . . And the little baby my father brought home was a little
	French baby so my mother took up French.

GEORGE:	Why?

GRACIE:	So she would be able to understand the baby--

GEORGE:	When the baby started to talk?

GRACIE:	Yeah.

GEORGE:	Gracie, this family of yours, do you all live together?

GRACIE:	Oh, sure.  My father, my brother, my uncle, my cousin and my nephew
	all sleep in one bed and--

GEORGE:	In one bed?  I'm surprised your grandfather doesn't sleep with them.

GRACIE:	Oh, he did, but he died so they made him get up.

GEORGE:			Say "Goodnight," Gracie.
GRACIE:			"Goodnight, Gracie"

				OZ
				seismo!rlgvax!oz