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Posting-Version: version B 2.10 beta 3/9/83; site beesvax.UUCP
Path: utzoo!linus!decvax!harpo!utah-cs!beesvax!dixon
From: dixon@beesvax.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: bloopers
Message-ID: <201@beesvax.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 1-Sep-83 12:15:13 EDT
Article-I.D.: beesvax.201
Posted: Thu Sep  1 12:15:13 1983
Date-Received: Fri, 2-Sep-83 20:22:56 EDT
Organization: Beehive International, SLC, UT
Lines: 77

The following has probably been posted to the network in years past, but I
think that it is worth posting again.

Many have experienced the confusion of traffic accidents and have had to
summarize correctly what happened in a few words or less on insurance or
accident forms. The following quites were taken from those forms and were
eventually published in the Toronto Sun.

	Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided
	with a tree I do not have.
	
	The other car collided with mine without giving warning
	of its intentions.
	
	I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up
	when I put my hand through it.
	
	I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.

	A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.

	A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

	The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of
	times before I hit him.

	I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-
	in-law, and headed over the embankment.

	In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.

	I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home.
	As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up obscuring my
	vision. I didn't see the other car.

	I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the
	wheel and had an accident.

	I was on my way to the doctors with rear end trouble when my
	universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.

	As I approached the intersection, a stop sign suddenly appeared
	in a place where no stop sigh had ever appeared before. I was
	unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.

	To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the
	pedestrian.

	My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.

	An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle, and
	banished.

	I told the police that I was not injured; but removing my hat
	I found I had a skull fracture.

	I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side
	of the roadway when I struck him.

	The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran over him.

	I saw the slow-moving, sad-faced, old gentlemen as he bounced off
	the hood of my car.

	The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small
	car with a big mouth.

	I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found
	in a ditch by some stray cows.

	The telephone pole was approaching fast. I attempted to swerve
	out of its path when it struck my front end.

	I was unable to stop in time and my car crashed into the other
	vehicle. The driver and passenger then left immediately for a
	vacation with injuries.