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From: pking@denelcor.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: Funniest Joke Ever??
Message-ID: <126@denelcor.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 31-Aug-83 11:36:54 EDT
Article-I.D.: denelcor.126
Posted: Wed Aug 31 11:36:54 1983
Date-Received: Fri, 2-Sep-83 21:01:28 EDT
Lines: 65


 
	Could this be the funniest joke of all time???

	(best read aloud)


	   It seem there was this Irishman named Patrick McCarty, and,
	as he was passing a local haberdashery, the urge struck him to
	buy a new celluloid collar.  Upon entering the haberdashery he
	was amazed to find that, behind the counter stood a gorilla.
	As he was about to ask the gorilla for a collar, along came a
	Scotsman carrying a grandfather clock who inadvertently nudged
	poor McCarty, who stumbled backward into an open grave.  
	McCarty, finding himself plunged into a pit wherein sat a 
	priest, a rabbi, and a baptist minister counting out a large
	pile of money, knew at once that this was no place for a son
	of Eire and, shouting "BEGORRAH," took off like a shot and ran
	all the way home.  Upon arriving at home, he entered the parlor
	and was met by the grim sight of his brother standing next to
	the open coffin of their mother.
	  "What's the meaning of this?"  Patrick cried.
	  "Ah, my poor Patrick," his brother said, "I have terrible news.
	Your favourite little kitten ran out into the street and was run
	down by a steam-roller!"
	  "Good Lord man!" Patrick shouted, "How can you come right out 
	and say such an awful thing?  You might have lessened the shock
	a bit by first saying 'Your kitten is a little bit ill', or 'your
	little kitten hurt his paw and then...'"
	   Suddenly there was a knock on the door.  It was a travelling
	salesman who said, "My car broke down and I have nowhere to sleep
	tonight."
	  "Faith," McCarty exclaimed, "you can sleep upstairs, but under
	no circumstances must you open the door at the end of the hall."
	   So saying, McCarty took him upstairs, to the front bedroom
	wherein they found, seated around a table, a Frenchman, an
	Englishman, a Texan, and a Mexican, and on the bed was McCarty's
	father, going at it like gangbusters with the maid.
	  "Father!" McCarty cried, "I can hardly believe this!  Your wife
	is lying dead in our parlor and here you are..."
	   Just then the Frenchman jumped up and, shouting "Vive le France!"
	he leaped out the window to his death.  Then the Englishman rose,
	put his head out the window, and shouted, "Green side up!" II
	   At this the salesman thought, "I'll never get any sleep here!
	I'm going to go see what's behind the door at the end of the hall!"
	   He slipped out and headed down the dimly-lit hall, and as he
	went further and further, it grew darker and darker, until he
	finally reached the end of the hall.
	   There, barely visible in the gloom, was a huge, rivet-studded
	iron door, held fast by thick beams, and bolts the size of your
	arm, bearing this sign:
				DANGER
			  do not, under any
			  circumstances open
			      this door!!
			    this means you!
				-the mgt.
	  "I'm not scared," the salesman thought as he threw back the
	bolts and removed the beams.  The door creaked as it swung 
	slowly open and the salesman blinked in the bright light as
	he gazed, awestruck, at the sight before him ... a round room
	full of crazy Polacks!
 
				the end