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Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!seismo!rlgvax!oz
From: oz@rlgvax.UUCP (THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ)
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: Old comedians, Ed Wynn
Message-ID: <1144@rlgvax.UUCP>
Date: Sat, 10-Sep-83 14:06:45 EDT
Article-I.D.: rlgvax.1144
Posted: Sat Sep 10 14:06:45 1983
Date-Received: Sun, 11-Sep-83 07:40:43 EDT
Organization: CCI, Capitol Region
Lines: 41

I don't know how many of you remember Ed Wynn, but he was fantastic!  He was
on radio and then tv for years as TEXACO'S FIRE CHIEF.  His character was
called "The perfect fool."  Ed Wynn enjoyed telling the stories of famous
opera's on his show.  Of course they were somewhat doctored, and contained
outrageous puns.  Here are exerps of Ed Wynn telling the story of the opera
CARMEN to his announcer, Graham McNamee.

WYNN:	Her father is the king of the gypsies, and is a very old man.  He
	is so old he gets winded playing checkers.  he decides to go fish-
	ing.  It seems he can only eat soft foods as he has a pullman mouth.

GRAHAM:	A pullman mouth?

WYNN:	Yes, a pullman mouth.  You know hat a pullman mouth is, no lowers and
	very few uppers.  He is fond of mussles and is going fishing for them.
	Carmen says, "are you going fishing, Papa?"  "Yes, I'm going to fish
	for mussels."  The next scene shows the mussel-bound old man going to
	the river.

	The second act takes place in New York.  Carmen has rented a small
	store and is now a gypsy fortune teller.  She is a mind reader.  She
	is writing in her diary, and being a mind reader she is writing her
	diary two weeks in advance.  As she writes she is singing and laughing.
	A stranger walks in.  He says, "Are you a mind reader?"  She says,
	"Yes."  He says, "Then you are a medium?"  She says, "yes."  And he
	slaps her on the face.  Carmen says, "What are you doing?"  And the
	man says, I'm taking my father's advice.  He said I'd be a success
	if I could strike a happy medium."  Carmen says, So you are a bull-
	fighter?  Have you any scars on you?"  He says, "No, I have no scars
	on me, but I can let you have a cigarette."

	Hosay shoots at Carmen, but she does not die.  That night she calls up
	the bullfighter and says, "Di you read in the paper that I have been
	killed?"  And he says, Yes, I know you're dead.  Which place are you
	calling from?"

					Ah, for old radio again,

					OZ
					seismo!rlgvax!oz