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Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!seismo!rlgvax!oz
From: oz@rlgvax.UUCP (THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ)
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: Eddie Cantor and the Mad Russian
Message-ID: <1235@rlgvax.UUCP>
Date: Sun, 2-Oct-83 22:45:22 EDT
Article-I.D.: rlgvax.1235
Posted: Sun Oct  2 22:45:22 1983
Date-Received: Mon, 3-Oct-83 07:02:09 EDT
Organization: CCI, Capitol Region
Lines: 87

Continuing on our tour of comedy stars of the past, we now turn  to  Eddie
Cantor.   Eddie  Cantor  was  first a vaudevillian star, then went on to
Broadway, movies and radio.  On radio his most famous sidekick was "The Mad
Russian (Bert Gordon) whose opening "How do you do?" because a catchword of
its day (sort of like "Nanu-nanu" a few years back).  In this routine, the
Mad  Russian  is  talking to Eddie Cantor and Caesar Romero (the Joker of
Batman fame) about bullfighting.

ROMERO:         Yes, Eddie.  You know, I wish you had been there.   Mexico
                is  so  colorful and so relaxing.  Every afternoon you can
                see the laborers taking their siesta.   There  they  are,
                lying  flat  on their backs in the streets.  You know, in
                Mexico we call them peons.

CANTOR:         In California, we call them pedestrians!  Russian, I'll bet
                YOU were never inside a bull arena.

MAD RUSSIAN:    That,  sir,  is a barefaced truth! ... The date:  July 10,
                1940.  The place Barcelona.  The arena is packed.   I  was
                fascinated  by a beautiful senorita.  She threw me a rose.
                Just then the bull came rushing at me.  I made a grab with
                my bare hands.

ROMERO:         You grabbed the bull?

MAD RUSSIAN:    No ... the senorita!

CANTOR:         What about the bull?

MAD RUSSIAN:    Let him get his own senorita!

CANTOR:         So what happened?

MAD RUSSIAN:    The bull ran towards me.

ROMERO:         He lunged?

MAD RUSSIAN:    Lunged?  He looked like he didn't even have breakfast!

CANTOR:         Were you frightened?

MAD RUSSIAN:    Not for long ... About three years.

CANTOR:         Yes, yes, go on.

MAD RUSSIAN:    Suddenly  I  stopped in mine tracks, and the bull hit me a
                telling blow.

ROMERO:         Where did he hit you?

MAD RUSSIAN:    I ain't telling!

CANTOR:         What finally happened?

MAD RUSSIAN:    The bull snorted.  Time to pull out mine sword.  The  bull
                charged at me.  Time to pull out mine bugle.

ROMERO:         Now wait a minute.  If the bull charged at you, why did you
                pick up your bugle?

MAD RUSSIAN:    Time to blow!

CANTOR:         My dear Russian, with only a trumpet in your hand and  the
                bull charging you, it's a wonder you were not killed.

MAD RUSSIAN:    Impossible, yes?  You see ...

CANTOR & ROMERO:        Ye-ess??!!

MAD RUSSIAN:    To fool the bull I was dressed as a cow.  And when the bull
                cornered me ...

CANTOR & ROMERO:        Ye-ess??!!

MAD RUSSIAN:    I whispered ... "Moo-oo!  Moo-oo!"

CANTOR:         So?

MAD RUSSIAN:    So we've been going steady for the last six years!

CANTOR:         Russian, get out of here!


                           And goodnight for NBC,

                                     OZ
                              seismo!rlgvax!oz