Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Path: utzoo!linus!decvax!tektronix!uw-beaver!ubc-visi!majka From: majka@ubc-visi Newsgroups: net.jokes Subject: Preventative Maintenance Message-ID: <471@ubc-visi.UUCP> Date: Wed, 5-Oct-83 19:07:50 EDT Article-I.D.: ubc-visi.471 Posted: Wed Oct 5 19:07:50 1983 Date-Received: Sat, 8-Oct-83 04:14:55 EDT Lines: 53 From: Marc Majka orema(1) UNIX Programmer's Manual orema(1) NAME orema - preventative maintenance program SYNOPSIS orema DESCRIPTION A new software development has recently been brought to our attention which, through duplication of an old technique, virtually eliminates system down time due to malfunction of computer components. The program, called orema (from the Latin oremus, meaning "let us pray") offers prayers at selected time intervals for the continued integrity and robustness of memory, tape drives, disks, and other elements subject to depravity and inherent vice. Basically liturgical in structure, orema uses standard peti- tions and intercessions stored on magnetic tape in Latin, Hebrew and C. Regular maintenance services are held three times daily. Operator intervention is required only for the mounting of tapes and the making of appropriate responses on the console (e.g. "Amen"). Prayers in Hebrew and C are offered directly to the CPU, but Latin prayers go to peripheral devices in supplication for their continued well-being. Although vendor-supplied prayer reels cover all machine troubles known to date, facilities have been provided for adding prayers to any tape, as needed, after the existing Amen block. Classified prayer reels are available for government installations. AUTHOR Unknown. Modified by Marc Majka FILES /dev/hope /usr/faith /lib/pray LIMITATIONS The vendor makes it clear that orema at present defends only against hardware malfunctions. System and user blunders will continue unchecked until the release of version 1.1, called sin-orema (from the Latin sine oremi, meaning "without a prayer", or "not much of a chance").