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From: twltims@watmath.UUCP (Tracy Tims)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Honesty in relationships
Message-ID: <5817@watmath.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 21-Sep-83 18:23:04 EDT
Article-I.D.: watmath.5817
Posted: Wed Sep 21 18:23:04 1983
Date-Received: Fri, 23-Sep-83 03:03:52 EDT
References: <18682@wivax.UUCP>
Organization: U of Waterloo, Ontario
Lines: 30

When I tell a person who is important to me something, I transmit both
the information and what I feel about it myself.  One can be honest,
compassionate, helpful and sensitive.  One can also be honest, insulting
and hurtful.  There may be times when you want to tell someone something
in a way that will hurt them.  It may be better to use diplomacy to
avoid unnessesary pain.  (I am not advocating repressing anger,
but simply dealing with it in a productive fashion.  The heat of the
moment is not a productive place for most people to deal about their
anger.)

I am unable to live a lie myself, nor can I get along with someone else
who does.  Still, it's useful to understand that specific actions
(honesty, diplomacy, what you say, when you say it, how you say it)
produce specific results and these should be managed for the healthiest
effect.  The ONLY meaning in any communication is the effect it has.

There is a very disturbing group of people who cannot take honesty very
well.  They often have an inflexible and speculative
self image (by this I mean that the choices they have made about what
they will be, and their understanding of who they are have not come
from their experience of life.)  Any outside commentary which does not
fit is immediately rejected and classed as a hostility.  In this situation
one can either wait for the person to grow up, or one can develop an approach
that doesn't give that reaction.  I have seen both happen.  If a person
like this becomes important to you, you HAVE to use diplomacy to succeed.

		Tracy Tims
		watmath!twltims		The University of Waterloo
formerly	hcr!tracy  		Human Computing Resources Corporation