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From: pd@eisx.UUCP (P. Devanbu)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Honesty... Only for Billy Joel ?
Message-ID: <605@eisx.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 23-Sep-83 10:44:54 EDT
Article-I.D.: eisx.605
Posted: Fri Sep 23 10:44:54 1983
Date-Received: Mon, 26-Sep-83 00:21:04 EDT
Lines: 29

To me, honesty, communication, and openness are 3 different things. And
my need for them in a relationship are exactly in that order: honesty,
communication, and openness.

Honesty is not lying. If you've been married before, don't tell me you
never have been. Saying "I'd rather not discuss that" is not lying: it's
just choosing not to answer. Not telling your lover that while in bed
that he/she should have a bath is not being dishonest. It's just being
tactful. Honesty is speaking truth when you choose to speak.

Communication is being honest, and getting your truth across to your
listener. I may rant and rave all day about my truthful mystical experiences,
but if my listener does not understand, what's the point ? If you what
you are saying simply arouses the emotions of your listener to a point
where he/she cannot hear you anymore, you might just as well be speaking
to a wall. Communication is using your knowledge of the listener and
choosing your words to express your truth so that he/she can
understand.

Openness is expressing your truth (usually) to a very high degree, usually
because it's easy to do so. Openness is a personal choice. It usually
develops in a relationship for me when I feel that honesty,
communication, and acceptance exist. Openness I think, is a gift that
people give each other in relationships. It's a signal that you
matter. Openness trusting someone enough to give them a part of you.

Prem Devanbu

ATTIS Labs, South Plainfield.