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From: spaf@gatech.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Honesty
Message-ID: <1229@gatech.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 23-Sep-83 11:35:08 EDT
Article-I.D.: gatech.1229
Posted: Fri Sep 23 11:35:08 1983
Date-Received: Mon, 26-Sep-83 05:51:05 EDT
Organization: Georgia Tech School of ICS, Atlanta
Lines: 53

Well, what does being "honest" mean?  Truth is a (generally) relative
concept.  What I see as the "truth" may not be what someone else sees
as the "truth" -- in fact, my view may change with time.  For instance,
in a moment of anger I may believe someone is being exceedingly stupid,
but when I calm down I believe that they could have thought something
out a little more.  Or, with more information, I may even believe that
they were correct and I was being stupid!

So, what about "honesty" in a relationship?  Well, being honest and
telling the truth aren't the same here, at least in my view of the world.
Being honest is not having hidden agendas when dealing with someone.  It
does not mean that I will tell the other person everything, nor does it 
mean that I will always tell the whole story.  In fact, I always reserve
the right to tell someone "I'm not going to answer that."  I won't make
something up, I simply won't answer.  It all depends on the situation
and the person involved.

Honesty is necessary to keep a relationship going, at least if it intended
to grow along normal(?) lines.  Human beings are complex and wonderful.
To cope with each other we need to understand what is going on and that
involves getting correct information.  At the same time, volunteering
information that isn't needed and might prove harmful is not a good idea.
Honesty promotes trust, but trust also depends on your faith in
the other person's judgment.

A great song which addresses this topic is "No Secrets" by Carly Simon.

Which of the following responses to questions are the most "honest?"

1) Do you like this shirt?
  -- That's the ugliest shirt I ever saw! Don't you have any taste?
  -- I really don't like it and I don't think you'd look good in it.
  -- I wouldn't buy it for myself.

2) Do you like my sister?
  -- She's okay.
  -- I like your sister.
  -- I fantasize about covering her in chocolate syrup and slowly
     licking it off by candlelight. (But I'd never actually try it.)
  -- Remember those chocolate syrup stains on the rug...?

3) Do you ever wish I had a better figure?
  -- Well, I have seen better looking 5 year olds.
  -- Well, it could be a bit better.
  -- I like you just the way you are.
  -- Let me have another hug before I answer, love.



-- 
The padded cell of Gene Spafford
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