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Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!cmcl2!floyd!vax135!ariel!hou5f!hou5g!hou5h!eagle!allegra!alice!rabbit!jj
From: jj@rabbit.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Dear net.abby... (Can we Talk here?)
Message-ID: <1991@rabbit.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 28-Sep-83 12:36:01 EDT
Article-I.D.: rabbit.1991
Posted: Wed Sep 28 12:36:01 1983
Date-Received: Thu, 29-Sep-83 08:56:38 EDT
References: <1999@ihldt.UUCP>, <206@micomvax.UUCP>
Organization: AT&T Bell Laboratories, Murray Hill
Lines: 56


GODS ALMIGHTY! (or choose your favorite natural phenomina instead, but
swear by something!)

The willingness to run down individuals in this news group
is astonishing.  We know, from the original article, that
the male person involved in the TV fiasco is socially
inexperienced.  So, what do we see in this fine, supportive,
helpful newsgroup?  We see person after person saying,
"Well, I think he's inexperienced, why don't you drop him?"

The "empathic" nature of that sort of response just amazes me.
Apparantly the people who inhabit this newsgroup, and who
are single, are so because they so lack empathy (or sympathy)
that they stay single.  I can easily believe that anyone who would
so willingly trash a person for lacking experience isn't going
to develop any lasting relationships.  I can just hear the
first argument.  "You don't like green fuzzbusters! You're
inexperienced, since you don't agree with me.  You don't
deserve to have friends!"

Heavens, people, I guess that all of you were just BORN
with your amazing social abilities.  I guess you NEVER had
to make mistakes, or never had misunderstandings.

You know, some people don't give gifts because the people they
are considering giving them to might misunderstand such things.
After all, a damned lot of people, clearly including most of the people
who responded to this article, seem to think that:
	1) A person "deserves" a gift.
	2) The act of buying a gift is a requirement.
	3) <From 1 and 2, indirectly>  Affection must be bought.

I'm not defending the apparant lack of sensitivity of the
individual who started this discussion with his TV, but I 
do think that a little thought, and a little courtesy, could
be brought to bear on such a situation.  Perhaps the person
is too shy to buy an expensive gift.  Perhaps the person
was under the mistaken impression that his friend might
resent an expensive gift.  <I, for one, have observed friendships
broken up by expensive gifts.  It seems that some people can't 
believe that they are "worth" such a gift, and that they
are thus being "bought".>  Perhaps, even, the entire situation
(and the feelings of the TV giver) aren't what you thing.
<It IS possible for people to want to exit a "relationship"
peacefully, you know, and without going to great ends
to explain why.  I don't necessarily argue the wisdom of
the tactic, but I DO argue that some people like to 
minimize pain. (It's rare, but at least well intended.)>

I hope that some of the individuals on this net have to face the
results of their own willingness to discard individuals, i.e. I hope
they learn what it's like, and they stop doing it to others afterwards.

(signed)
still hiding