Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10 5/26/83; site ihldt.UUCP Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!cmcl2!floyd!clyde!ihnp4!ihldt!luchs From: luchs@ihldt.UUCP (Sarah Luchs) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Re: Dear net.abby Message-ID: <2014@ihldt.UUCP> Date: Wed, 28-Sep-83 19:39:41 EDT Article-I.D.: ihldt.2014 Posted: Wed Sep 28 19:39:41 1983 Date-Received: Fri, 30-Sep-83 03:59:56 EDT Organization: BTL Naperville, Il. Lines: 58 From an article by rabbit!jj: After all, a damned lot of people, clearly including most of the people who responded to this article, seem to think that: 1) A person "deserves" a gift. 2) The act of buying a gift is a requirement. 3) Affection must be bought. I feel terrible for having started this discussion, because I don't seem to have made myself very clear about what my friend really wanted. She did not care whether or not he bought her an expensive gift. She says she would have been happy with the tv if he had worked on it himself. That would *mean* something to her. She wasn't expecting an expensive gift at all, just something that required a little thought. As I said in my follow-up article, a hand-written poem or something of that nature would have meant a great deal. Geez, he didn't even DUST OFF the tv set! I didn't mean to be tearing him down for his lack of experience with women. I guess I was just trying to come up with a possible excuse for his behavior. Of course we weren't all BORN with our social abilities, but I've heard that a person's basic personality is set by the age of five. I didn't have any money at the age of five, but I made birthday cards (and sometimes presents) for friends and family. If I make the suggestion that she drop him, I really don't mean to be putting him down, I just don't believe in mis-matched couples staying together for the sake of convenience. Look at his situation. He has NEVER dated before. Then (WOW) this older woman comes up and asks him out. He has never had to ask anyone out on a date. Maybe he is INCAPABLE of asking anyone out on a date. If he hasn't done it in 24 years of living, that's quite likely. I see so many mismatched people who stay together (yes, even get married!) because they are too damn lazy to go out and find someone who is really right for them! I've seen that "what-the-heck, let's just go with the flow, take the path of least resistance" attitude too often. I feel that these two are mismatched. This birthday fiasco is just a symptom of that. I talked to my friend just today. She ended up talking to her boyfriend and apparently has things straightened out for now. She has even warned him about her views on Christmas. We'll see in a few months whether or not he has learned anything. They are already (after going out for just over one month) talking about marriage. Pretty strange considering how little they really know about each other!! Fools rush in (this will be her third marriage, if it goes through.) I agree with micomvax!softech that she should find a romantic guy who will sweep her off her feet. If someone knows what they want in a MOTOS (or MOTSS considering recent net.singles discussions) why shouldn't they look for someone who fills the bill. So many people pick ANYONE, and then attempt to mold that person into their MR. (or MS.) RIGHT! That's what my friend will have to do if she stays with this guy. I guess I just don't like the idea of MOLDING people. I believe in finding someone that I can ACCEPT JUST AS THEY ARE (which is apparently not the case with my friend and her beau.) Ah...and she tried SO HARD to mold her husbands, too! I would think by now she would know that you can't mold a knight in shining armor with silly putty.. -Sarah