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Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!cmcl2!floyd!harpo!eagle!mhuxi!houxm!hou2a!murphy
From: murphy@hou2a.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.flame
Subject: East vs West--a tentative summary
Message-ID: <149@hou2a.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 18-Oct-83 12:54:37 EDT
Article-I.D.: hou2a.149
Posted: Tue Oct 18 12:54:37 1983
Date-Received: Wed, 19-Oct-83 23:11:41 EDT
Organization: Bell Labs, Holmdel NJ
Lines: 38


                  Regional Drawbacks of the...


        West                                         East
        ----                                         ----

 1. "laid-back folks" here are            1. "BigCitY boppers"s here are
    shallow, dull, smug and                  pushy, rude, hyper, smug and 
    self-righteous;                          self-righteous;

2.  the West is overrun by                2. the East is overrun by 
    buffalo, Indians, wolves,                muggers, hustlers, 6-inch
    hitchhikers, panhandlers,                roaches, 12-foot sewer-
    swingers, homicidal geeks,               alligators, THE MOB, rats 
    vegetarians, Hare-Krishnas,              the size of fox terriers,
    and gun-toting politicians               and bankroll-toting
    on horseback;                            politicians in big black
                                             cadillacs;

3. the air is unbreatheable;              3. the air is unbreatheable;

4. it is impossible to find               4. It is impossible to find
   decent linguini;                          decent tortillas;

5. the weather is too hot,                5. the weather is too hot,
   too cold, too wet, too dry,               too cold, too humid, too
   too predictable;                          unpredictable;

6. you can walk for days without           6. you can walk for days without
   finding anyplace worth walking to;        finding anyplace where it is
                                             legal to walk;

7. in general, the West is...             7. in general the East is...
   a cultural desert populated by            an environmental disaster
   unsocialized zombies whose idea           populated by un-mellow,
   of a good time is listening to            carcinogenic paranoids who
   corn grow;                                are downright bad for your
                                             head.