Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site shell.UUCP Path: utzoo!linus!decvax!harpo!floyd!clyde!ihnp4!zehntel!hplabs!hao!kpno!ut-sally!cyb-eng!shell!starr From: starr@shell.UUCP Newsgroups: net.jokes Subject: BLKTRAN (offensive to blacks) Message-ID: <129@shell.UUCP> Date: Sat, 15-Oct-83 00:13:43 EDT Article-I.D.: shell.129 Posted: Sat Oct 15 00:13:43 1983 Date-Received: Wed, 12-Oct-83 23:50:30 EDT Organization: Shell Development CS Group, Houston, Texas Lines: 114 October 8, 1983 Officials of Xavier University (a leading black university) announced today a new product from their computer science depart- ment. It is new programming language called Afritran (A Funky Right-on Translator). Professor Leroy Brown says he hopes this new language will encourage more blacks to enter the computer science field. "It is a hip language", the professor said. "We hope that its syntax will blend well with the talk young street blacks are already used to. This will make their entry into the computer science field much less painful". Professor Female White of the psychology department agrees. "We worked hard a few years ago to get 'Black English' accepted in the schools. Now, we are graduating many students who still cannot read or write legibly. This makes it hard for them to get jobs. With Afritran, we feel that the language can be easily picked up by our students, since they can relate to it". Rufus Washington, the Dean of Xavier, says that Afritran will prove to the world that blacks are not stupid and incom- petent. He admits to a few problems with Afritran such as 1. GOTO's often send the program to JAIL instead of their stated destination. JAIL is like an endless loop in other languages. 2. None of the mathematical functions work correctly. Dean Washington assures us that this is a minor problem, easily corrected with time. 3. The timer function has some problems. It could give you 5 years to life, depending on the situation. In spite of these problems, Dean Washington believes that blacks will readily accept the new language ("After all, they really aren't very bright. I've been at this college for 28 years, and have seen lunches in the school cafeteria with higher IQs than most of my students", explained Dean Washington in confidence). The Dean's goal is to bring computer literacy to the illi- terate. "We have done simple things, like replace the common ABORT routine with the more relevant DONGIMMEDATSHIT function. What could be more natural for young blacks?" To give the public an idea of what Afritran was, a short sample program was given. REAL BAD ARRAY (200) FO I IS 1 TO I IS 5 DO JOB IF ARRAY (I) IS .MO DAN. 200 THEN QUIT JOB IF ARRAY (I) IS .LESS DAN. 200 THEN KNOCKUP I GRAFFITI (6,100) ARRAY (I) 100 FOMAT () C C GET 100 BYTES OF MEMORY C ADDR = STEAL (100) X = 2.34 Y = WHOWILLCOSIGN (X) C C SEE IF Y IS OK C IF ( BADCHECK (Y) ) IGOES TO 200 C C HALT PROGRAM EXECUTION FOR 5 SECONDS C HOLDUP (5) C C GENTERATE 200 RANDOM NUMBERS AND RING TERMINAL BELL C GETFUNKY (200) LONGDONG Xavier is licencing the interpreter (a compiler has been in the works for 10 years by one of Afritrans' original authors. He was sent to death row before he could finish). In a bold attempt to move into the marketplace, Xavier officials say that a microcom- puter will be sold which will have Afritran as its host language, running under the AFRO operating system. Details are sketchy on the new micro, but it is rumored to be named the "Watermellon", and come with 9 bytes of memory. Expansion memory will be avilable in 69 byte increments. For mass storage, the user can connect to his stereo portable cassette deck. "We chose this route since most of our students have them" commented Professor Brown. Xavier, in a novel marketing move, is reportedly striking up a deal with Ketucky Fried Chicken for distribution rights. Some software will be supplied free with the Watermellon. Included is to be: * Corn row twist number calculations * Bond value calculations (the posting kind) * Parole eligibility calculations * Income tax savings vs. number of children * Car notes for cars costing > $20,000. 0,3,4 and 5 year plans * Welfare cheating techniques (educational software)