Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Path: utzoo!linus!decvax!harpo!floyd!idis!pitt!hoffman From: hoffman@pitt.UUCP (Bob Hoffman) Newsgroups: net.jokes Subject: Specialized Medicine Message-ID: <517@pitt.UUCP> Date: Wed, 19-Oct-83 10:19:21 EDT Article-I.D.: pitt.517 Posted: Wed Oct 19 10:19:21 1983 Date-Received: Fri, 21-Oct-83 06:25:18 EDT Lines: 68 S P E C I A L I Z E D M E D I C I N E The year is 1972, and the British Government's policy of socialized medicine has been extended to include "Proxy Papas", that is, any married woman not having a child the first five years of marriage must receive the services of a Government Man, who will attempt to be the means of her becoming a mother. The Smiths have no children and are expecting the Government Man. Mr. Smith leaves for work. He has a hang-dog look as he gets ready to leave. He pecks his wife at the door. "I'm off for work. The Government Man should be here early," he says. He leaves and his wife pretties herself, putting on her most attractive negligee. But, instead of the Government Man, a door-to-door photographer specializing in baby pictures knocks at the door. Mrs. Smith: Oh, Good morning. Man: You probably don't know me, but I represent--- Mrs. Smith: Oh yes, you needn't explain. My husband said to expect you. Man: I make a specialty of babies, especially twins. Mrs. Smith: Oh yes, we agreed that it was the best thing to do. Man: Well in that case, we may as well get started. Mrs. Smith: (Blushing) Just where should we start? Man: Leave everything to me, madam. I recommend two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and a couple on the floor. Mrs. Smith: Bathtub? Floor? No wonder Harry and I--- Man: Well, my dear lady, even the best of us can't guarantee a good one every time. But one out of six is bound to be a honey. I usually have the best luck with the one in the bathtub. Mrs. Smith: Pardon me, but it seems a little impersonal. Man: No indeed -- in my line a man can't do his best work in a hurry. (He opens an album and shows baby pictures to her) Look at this baby -- it's a good job, but it took almost four hours. Isn't she a beauty? Mrs. Smith: Yes, a lovely baby. Man: But for a tough assignment, look at this baby. Believe this or not, it was done on top of a bus at Piccadilly Circus. Mrs. Smith: My God------ Man: It's not hard when a man knows his job. My work is a pleasure. I spent long years to perfect my technique. Now take this baby, I did it with one shot in Alexander's window. Mrs. Smith: I can't believe it. Man: And here is a picture of the prettiest twins in town. They turned out exceptionally well when you consider that their mother was -- difficult. But I knocked off the job in Hyde Park on a snowy afternoon. It took from two in the afternoon until five in the evening. I never worked under such difficult conditions. People were crowded around four and five deep, pushing in to get a look. Mrs. Smith: Four and five deep? Man: Yes, and more than three hours. I had two bobbies helping me. I could have done another shot before dark, but the squirrels kept nibbling at my equipment and I had to give up. Well, madam, if you're ready I'll set up my tripod and get to work. Mrs. Smith: Tripod? Man: Yes, I always use a tripod to rest my equipment on. It's much too heavy for me to hold for any length of time. Mrs. Smith? Mrs. Smith? Good Lord, Mrs. Smith, have you fainted???? ----------------------------- Cheers, ---Bob Hoffman, U. of Pitt Computer Science.