Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP
Path: utzoo!linus!security!genrad!grkermit!masscomp!clyde!ihnp4!inuxc!pur-ee!uiucdcs!uicsl!wombat
From: wombat@uicsl.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.flame
Subject: Re: What I'd Like to do to Dondi - (nf)
Message-ID: <4090@uiucdcs.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 23-Nov-83 22:30:03 EST
Article-I.D.: uiucdcs.4090
Posted: Wed Nov 23 22:30:03 1983
Date-Received: Sat, 26-Nov-83 06:29:40 EST
Lines: 52

#R:ihlts:-27300:uicsl:4300109:000:2928
uicsl!wombat    Nov 23 14:45:00 1983

I'd like to see Dagwood and Blondie adopt Nancy, Sluggo, and Dondi.
Then in a final farwell strip we could have Dick Tracy covering
the family (after all, there's got to be something wrong with anybody
who'd adopt those monsters), watching for anti-American activities.
Somehow, Dick and his team will get the goods on them, and will
deport them all to Nicaragua. Once there, they'll be held prisoner
by Phred the Terrorist when he catches them spying on him. Phred
will air mail them back to Mom, who will wash them well in salt
water and hang them out to dry (by their ankles, of course).
When they're well-cured, Mom will ship them to the London
Post Office, just to get rid of them. In the dead letter office,
they'll pass through a time warp to the days of King Arthur.
Prince Valiant will mistake Blondie for Aleta, and will run
Dagwood through and leave him lying by the roadside. Blondie
will threaten to tell Dagwood's boss about it, causing Prince
Val to take a better look at her, which will send him running
back to the Misty Isles to his true Queen. They will wander around
for awhile and get themselves locked into a time stasis in
one of those weird rock circles. Meanwhile, Juliet Jones will
finally convince Owen that sonething is wrong, and between her
intuition and Owen deductive reasoning, they will find the
motley crew and figure out how to get them out of the stasis
field. Fortuantely, they miss a couple of incantations and
the six of them find themselves in the African jungle. The
15th Phantom finds them as he's about to go wife-shopping in
London. Blondie saves him the trip. (Dagwood's remains were
unearthed about 1890 and mistaken for a Neanderthal.) Before
the Phantom shows up, though, Sluggo dies a long painful
death from snakebite. Later, Nancy is kidnapped by a baboon, and
the Phantom refuses to do anything about it. In fact, he hopes
something similar will happen to Dondi. When nothing happens
for six months (except that the baboon returns Nancy), he
takes the two of them for a walk, and locks them in a cave.
After a week with no light, slimy water (and very little of
that), no food, with only rats, bats, and spiders to keep
them awake and alert, they collapse, never to be seen or heard
from again. Juliet and Owen spend a week or two in a Barbara
Cartland romance and fade from comicdom. Prince Valiant
and the Phantom take over Dondi's and Blondie's strips, the
Phantom starting with the 18th Phantom to be safe. Doonesbury
returns where Nancy used to be. Aunt Fritzi changes her name
to Jeanine, goes to school, and gets a job working with
Steve Canyon. When she gets bored with that, she and Bitsy
set up a small airline in Alaska. Cookie and Alexander grow
up to be almost normal, with some therapy. Both decide to
become accountants in Grand Forks. And more dull boring
comic strips still manage to sneak into the papers anyway.
					Wombat
					ihnp4!uiucdcs!uicsl!wombat