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Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!seismo!rlgvax!cvl!umcp-cs!zben
From: zben@umcp-cs.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.flame
Subject: Labels (liberal/conservative)
Message-ID: <4063@umcp-cs.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 24-Nov-83 11:41:30 EST
Article-I.D.: umcp-cs.4063
Posted: Thu Nov 24 11:41:30 1983
Date-Received: Sun, 27-Nov-83 02:25:37 EST
Organization: Univ. of Maryland, Computer Science Dept.
Lines: 62

[From the truly virtual flamethrower of ZBEN]

[And this is going to be a good one...]

 When all you Swift Butterballs get tired of calling each other names, you
could reflect on the asinine stupidity of believing that a person's political
views can be compressed to a single-dimensional number-line labelled liberal
and conservative....

     "Conservatives follow plans their grandfathers made."

     "Liberals make plans and then forget them."

This last from an amusing pamphelet leftover from the Carter-Ford election.

 [Establish my "conservative" credentials]:  My parents were for Nixxon in
1960.  They were SURE that fool Kennedy would get us into a stupid war
somewhere (in all honesty I think they were thinking about Cuba, not Vietnam).
I voted for the first time in 1972.  For Nixxon.  I voted for Ford in 76.
I did not vote in 1982, thinking that both Carter and Reagan were conservative
enough for me, and that there was no differance.  Silly me.  I will DEFINITELY
vote for Reagan in 84.

 [Show how silly stereotypes are]:  The following cherished beliefs are NOT
likely to endear me to any existing politicians.  Yet I embrace them, can
you *really* call me a conservative?

      All recreational drugs should be legalized immediately.
      (or at least Marijuana and Cocaine)

      Welfare rights are an oxymoron, like military intelligence.
      If there is enough food to feed them, do it.  But if there is
      not, give them the choice of working or starving...

      The U.S. should get out of El Salvador immediately.  The d*mn
      precious "vital American interests" down there are the d*mn
      integrated circuit assembly plants where they pay Indian women
      10 cents a year to do the grunt work of attaching the lead wires.
      Can you imagine 8 hours a day working a micromanipulator through
      a microscope?  Its so bad the Indian women in America won't do it
      (or else they organize unions or something).  If you don't believe
      me, take a board out of your processor and look at the chips.
      Most of them will have been packaged in El Salvador, Indonesia, or
      Maylaya.  Its written right on the chip...

      Oh, by the way, I belong to AFSCME (Govt employees union).

      Come the revolution, I have a tactical nuke targeted for Madison Avenue.
      (Please don't squeeze the chairman...)

 [Disclaimer]:  My mother does geneology and has not yet been able to forge
a connected path to the Senator and Presidential Candidate who bears the same
surname.  As far as we can tell his people came directly from Scotland to
America, while our people went from Scotland to Ireland for several generations
before coming to America.

And if he wins, I'm moving to Australia...

Ben Cranston        ...seismo!umcp-cs!zben        zben@umd2.ARPA

P.S. I'm not usually this much of a pissant, its just that I'm typesetting
     the Graduate School Catalog this month...