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From: tjt@kobold.UUCP (T.J.Teixeira)
Newsgroups: net.kids
Subject: Re: bonding
Message-ID: <196@kobold.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 14-Nov-83 17:50:45 EST
Article-I.D.: kobold.196
Posted: Mon Nov 14 17:50:45 1983
Date-Received: Tue, 15-Nov-83 09:49:47 EST
References: <2709@utcsrgv.UUCP> <770@ihuxr.UUCP>
Organization: Masscomp, Littleton, MA
Lines: 34

I agree with Don Stanwyck that "bonding" may be more important for the
parents than for the child (of course, I would expect my children to
feel the opposite).

I would also say that being present at the birth isn't sufficient.  Of
course, all the hospitals that I have heard of that allow the father to
be present at all require both parents to have attended some sort of
childbirth class.  Before our first child was born, we went to one of
these courses (2-3 hours/week for 8-10 weeks).  This was extremely
useful for getting me used to the idea of becoming a parent.  Although
this wasn't the only time my wife and I discussed how we thought our
lives would change after our baby was born, it was helpful to have some
time that was set aside exclusively for this.

In contrast, when our second child was born my wife decided to just
take a refresher course (the wives went alone for one session and the
husbands went to three others).  I was then just starting to work lots
of unreasonable hours (the joys of working for a startup company) and
so spent less time getting acclimated to having another baby.  When my
daughter was born, the labor was much shorter (as is typical for second
pregnancies), and my involvement with the whole process was less.  As a
result, my feelings towards my daughter when she was born were much
different than towards my son, and it took a long time before I didn't
think of having another baby around as more of a nuisance than
otherwise.

I guess my moral here is to avoid the temptation to get minimally
involved with having a baby *before* the baby is born, particularly if
you think you are too busy.  This may not have helped since I *was*
still very busy at work for the next several months, but I still wish
we had taken the longer course the second time anyway.
-- 
	Tom Teixeira,  Massachusetts Computer Corporation.  Westford MA
	...!{harpo,decvax,ucbcad,tektronix}!masscomp!tjt   (617) 692-6200