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From: jrc@ritcv.UUCP (James R Carbin)
Newsgroups: net.med
Subject: Re: aging parents
Message-ID: <826@ritcv.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 22-Nov-83 12:21:17 EST
Article-I.D.: ritcv.826
Posted: Tue Nov 22 12:21:17 1983
Date-Received: Fri, 25-Nov-83 03:42:48 EST
Lines: 54

I've not seen an avalanche of articles on this subject so I'll add my 2 cents.

I'm not sure that one can consider my situation relative to aging parents
to be at all representative as I am single and live alone.  The stereotype
of the single child often includes taking care of aging parents.  I don't
personally believe that I have any greater obligation to take care of an
aging parent than my married siblings.

However, for what it is worth, here are my thoughts.

Next Spring, my aging mother will move into my house which will include a
move of about 200 miles.  While she is still able to get around and take
care of herself, there is a slow deterioration of her capabilities due
to arterial sclerosis.  She is 79.  My father passed away 10 years ago.

Why am I doing it?  My rationale is simply, would it not be better to move
her close to me while she is still in relatively good health as opposed
to the prospect of the eventual need to place her in a nursing home at
some later date which would concurrently involve a long distance move.

What impact will it have on me?  As a single male, it will certainly
put "a crimp in my style" relative to entertaining, etc.  But I think
that I have come to the realization that this is probably a smart idea.
Even a few years ago, I would have resented giving up my freedom, but
now I can honestly look forward to the advantages of having her in my
house.  We have discussed a number of delicate issues, and perhaps
somewhat surprisingly, there is no real difference of opinion.  I have
insisted that she continue as a member of her lodge and that as long as
she is physically able, I want her to become involved in some kind of
volunteer work once a week.  I feel that this will help her maintain 
her sense of independence and keep her from becoming too dependent
upon me.

Well after these ramblings, what is the bottom line.  I feel that if
the need arises in your family, you should address what you perceive
as the "problems," and then attempt to reconcile them.    Some of these
will not be real problems that cannot be overcome, and for the rest,
it is surprising how much adjustment you can make when it does become
necessary.  To use the cliche, "You do what you have to do!"

I cannot address "in-laws."  I'm sure that this could present some other
difficulties that I will not have to face.

as ever,

j.r.      {allegra,seismo}!rochester!ritcv!jrc

p.s.  Gee it's nice to post something which I can't imagine generating
      any flames.      :-)

p.p.s.  While these are not sufficient motivation to have a parent or parents
        move in with you, consider the possible financial advantages (taxes),
        babysitting, help with misc. tasks, etc.  What it could well involve
        is a relatively easy change in your lifestyle.