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Path: utzoo!linus!decvax!harpo!eagle!mhuxl!houxm!hou2a!murphy
From: murphy@hou2a.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: relationships in general
Message-ID: <168@hou2a.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 4-Nov-83 11:20:44 EST
Article-I.D.: hou2a.168
Posted: Fri Nov  4 11:20:44 1983
Date-Received: Mon, 7-Nov-83 00:19:51 EST
Organization: Bell Labs, Holmdel NJ
Lines: 45


                 I have found that the surest way of getting into
                 bad relationships is to:
                     1. travel in circles that you don't really
                        feel comfortable in, but are there 
                        because you THINK that's where you'll 
                        meet potential mates.
                     2. base the relationship on traditional
                        mating rituals such as dinner, drinks,
                        a movie, and then my-place-or-yours.
                        This includes selecting companions based
                        largely on immediate physical attraction.
                     3. non-platonic involvement with people
                        at work--an excellent way to ruin your career.
                     4. expecting things of the relationship and
                        of your companion.
                     5. trying too hard, and indulging in emotional
                        introspection when things go wrong.

                  The best relationships I  have had resulted from:
                     1. pursuing non-work related interests in an
                        enthusiastic and relaxed manner. Those with
                        whom you have the most in common will make
                        the best companions; the old cliche' about
                        "opposites attracting" is so much romantic
                        nonsense.
                     2. being as patient as possible and always
                        giving other people the benefit of any
                        doubt. Don't EXPECT things, make demands, or
                        issue ultimatums. You can easily manipulate
                        yourself out of a friend.
                        When things look bad, back off a little, calm
                        down, and approach the problem in an honest
                        and rational manner.
                     3. Not "beating a dead horse"--when it is clear
                        that someone is not reciprocating your
                        interest, politely scratch them off your
                        list, and forget them. There are better
                        opportunities waiting for you, and life is
                        short.
                     4. basing all relationships on genuine friendship,
                        which takes a lot longer to develop than most
                        people realize.
                                               Pontificatingly,
                                               Rich Ganns
                                               BTL HO hou2a!murphy