Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP
Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site pucc-h
Path: utzoo!linus!decvax!harpo!floyd!clyde!ihnp4!inuxc!pur-ee!CS-Mordred!Pucc-H:aeq
From: aeq@pucc-h (Sargent)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: What Is Single (and how do I deal with it)
Message-ID: <377@pucc-h>
Date: Tue, 6-Dec-83 00:26:17 EST
Article-I.D.: pucc-h.377
Posted: Tue Dec  6 00:26:17 1983
Date-Received: Wed, 30-Nov-83 03:21:11 EST
References: <734@hao.UUCP>
Organization: Purdue University Computing Center
Lines: 40

I second Greg Woods's motion:  This group would do well to deal with concerns
of those of us who are unmarried, un-posslq'ed, and unattached.  I have read
the existing articles with MILD interest (I do have some interest in learning
about a) how humans operate [I'm not always sure how to act human], b) how I
might handle situations I might be in EVENTUALLY).  But articles about those
who are in relationships (including marriage) don't touch on my burning
issues, like:

I discovered recently that deep in myself, I honestly did not believe that I
was attractive, despite my rational knowledge that I have quite a bit going
for me which could attract a woman.  I dealt with (got rid of) this false gut
feeling of unattractiveness (by lots of prayer, but this isn't net.religion).
Now what do I do?  Seriously.  Inasmuch as I seek for a relationship that is
also a good friendship, I tend to be very picky (possibly too much so, out of
fear of getting involved with a) a loser, b) someone who will eventually
reject me maximally [this is a leftover of my parents' divorce]).  Most of the
single women I know, I don't think I'd want to date.  Those whom I, on serious
consideration, think I might want to date, either have already turned me down
or have been snapped up by another man with similarly good taste.  Being
associated not only with a university but also with a campus church, most of
the women I know have lived several fewer years than my 28; one of them
recently cited the age difference as a reason for turning me down.  Thus I
feel cut off from almost all the women I know.  What do I do to get a fresh
supply?  I hate to, for instance, switch to a different church with what
appears to me to be a mercenary attitude (going there not primarily for
spiritual reasons, but to use it as a means of meeting women)--not to mention
that most churches seem to be "family" churches, singles being the invisible,
forgotten ones (that's another topic, and a good one worthy of discussion,
but not my main point).  Also, I have no intention of going to a local bar or
two with reputations as "meat markets"; I'm not looking for meat, and I really
don't enjoy bars (and I've recently noticed that even small amounts of alcohol
tend to give me headaches).

So my question is really the basic, fundamental one:  Now that I believe I can
attract women, how do I go about finding one I would want to attract?

-- Jeff Sargent/...pur-ee!pucc-h:aeq
(I'm not sure about that path address since we went to 4.1c; perhaps you'd
better post responses rather than mail them--anyway, that will give similar
but less outspoken sufferers access to the same info.)