Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site sjuvax.UUCP Path: utzoo!linus!decvax!harpo!floyd!clyde!akgua!sb1!sb6!bpa!burdvax!sjuvax!bbanerje From: bbanerje@sjuvax.UUCP Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Re: What Is Single Message-ID: <166@sjuvax.UUCP> Date: Tue, 29-Nov-83 17:32:22 EST Article-I.D.: sjuvax.166 Posted: Tue Nov 29 17:32:22 1983 Date-Received: Thu, 1-Dec-83 09:02:00 EST References: <734@hao.UUCP>, <221@denelcor.UUCP> Organization: Saint Josephs U. Philadelphia, PA Lines: 89 Hi, I enjoyed the (original) article that this is a followup to. I, being "truly single", thought that I was the only one in this exalted condition around. I suppose misery loves company. Anyhow, some background if I may. My last relationship ended amicably well over a year ago. Since then, I haven't entered another one due to a combination of choice and circumstances. The circumstances are that I simply don't have the opportunity to meet people easily. Another followup to the original article states that (this person) met their current girlfriend at the checkout counter of a library. I hardly think this is the norm. Consider the following scenario : You walk up to someone you're attracted to, and say "Hi, I'd really like to get to know you better. What are you doing Friday evening." Depending on her vocabulary, upbringing etc. You get one of the following replies. a) Go away or I'll call security (or police or whatever). b) Get Lost! c) F*ck off, turkey!!! Not very encouraging! Some readers on the net may state that this would never occur if they were approached in similar fashion. Perhaps! Maybe its just that I'm an ugly b*st*rd :-) No! The way to meet women (or anyone for that matter) is through mutual friends. That's partially my problem. Since I moved here I left my friends, support circle, etc. behind. My colleagues (sp?) at work are all middle aged, married and live in suburbia. The department I work for doesn't have a graduate program. And I'm definitely not going to ask my students out. So it's a case of having neither the chicken, nor the egg and craving omelette. The choice part is a bit more involved. Presently I don't feel secure enough to invest the tremendous quantities of time and effort that must be put into a successful relationship. Although my last relationship ended without rancour, a couple of previous ones didn't. Getting raked over the coals tends to make one gun-shy. Although I'm constitutionally unable to bear anyone ill will, I have made it a point to avoid those two ex-s since. I have had the opportunity to have some meaningless encounters, and have sorely been tempted. However I'm just square enough to find the concept of casual sex distasteful. So how do you live with your "really single" status? I don't know. These are the (admittedly imperfect) ways that I handle it. Become a workaholic. This has the advantage of self-satisfaction in the performance of your job, possible career advancement, etc. However it isn't much fun! I'm sure if the people who knew me during High School, Undergraduate School etc. could see me now, they'd be totally amazed at the transformation. ( By nature I'm a lazy layabout. My greatest regret is not having had the foresight to be born wealthy.) Take up some hobbies that you enjoy, can be done alone, and has no connection whatsoever with your work. Cooking (no snickering! I eat my own cooking and enjoy it.) and Bicycle riding provide this outlet for me. Take up a sport if you can ( Pocket billiards not acceptable), preferably one that takes you outdoors. Working up a sweat does a great deal when you wish to suppress an overactive libido. Don't be afraid to do things or go places on your own. I take myself to the movies quite frequently. It's not as enjoyable as it might have been with a date, but it beats sitting at home watching syndicated reruns of "Taxi". I even cruise malls at times -- not looking for a pick up; but just to convince myself that the human species exists. (Though the people you see at malls sometimes make you wonder). All this helps, but doesn't solve the problem. I still get awfully lonely at times... and yes, in case you're wondering, I did spend Thanksgiving hunched over a terminal reading the net and playing rogue. I think this is already too long. Usually I'm far more pithy. In conclusion, I'd like to quote a friend who was also "truly single" when he said this : "Sometimes, I get very lonely, but I can handle it. Sometimes, I get very h*rny, but I can handle it. It's the times when I get both lonely and h*rny that I can't handle." Regards, Binayak "also really single" Banerjee -- Binayak Banerjee {astrovax | bpa | burdvax}!sjuvax!bbanerje