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From: jrrt@hogpd.UUCP (R.MITCHELL)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: An attitude that pays
Message-ID: <217@hogpd.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 1-Dec-83 12:14:28 EST
Article-I.D.: hogpd.217
Posted: Thu Dec  1 12:14:28 1983
Date-Received: Sat, 3-Dec-83 00:01:37 EST
Lines: 31

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Lynda Feng:
What's going thru your mind when you pay for someone else?  Or do you not
even think about it?
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   At the time I'm physically paying, I don't particularly think about
it.  The key time for thought is when I do the inviting.  Mitchell's
Second Law of Social Interaction says, "Whomever asks out, shells out." 
In other words, the person doing the inviting should expect to pay the
way.  This can of course be mitigated by extreme expense (e.g. a weekend
away together can be split 50/50).
   My rationale for this egalitarian attitude is as follows:  It makes
me feel good to give presents to people I like.  Taking a friend out for
pizza, or a movie, is one way of giving that friend a present.  Thus,
when I invite a friend out, it is with the anticipation that I will show
my affection for our friendship by giving you a present.  Note that
there are no strings attached to this present: I give it out of my own
free will.  The friend encurs no obligation by accepting the gift, other
than the routine courtesies that lubricate all social interactions. 
(One relevant courtesy would be not making a fuss over the check at the
end of the meal).
   Naturally, to be consistent I must acknowledge the right of my
friends to feel similarly good by inviting *me* out.  Thus, if a woman
asked me out to dinner, I would expect her to pay and wouldn't make a
fuss when she does so (although common caution tells me to be prepared
to pay in case the woman doesn't see the situation in my way).
   I've never had any problems with this procedure.  I can see
complications for a couple adopting it, however, if one of the twosome
has less ability to pay, less imagination to come up with things to
share, or an unwillingness to take initiative.  In these cases, just
talking things over should straighten things out.