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Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!seismo!harpo!eagle!allegra!alice!rabbit!sdh
From: sdh@rabbit.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: Kangaroo revisited (at last)
Message-ID: <2275@rabbit.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 13-Dec-83 21:19:36 EST
Article-I.D.: rabbit.2275
Posted: Tue Dec 13 21:19:36 1983
Date-Received: Thu, 15-Dec-83 01:35:35 EST
Organization: AT&T Bell Laboratories, Murray Hill
Lines: 125


These are the best entries to the 'Rewrite the Kangaroo Joke' contest:

	The Day of the Grey Kangaroo
        not by John Updike

  As the kangaroo looked down the rain-spattered street he
remembered the first time he had ever been in this town.  A
young marsupial, full of the energy and thoughtless enthusiasm
of youth, he and his new wife had entered this town looking
for a new future.
  The pain of the recent divorce was wearing him, but it was
the narrow bulge of his pouch that emphasized the bitter guilt.
She had taken all he had worked for, and he could only stand
by and watch, unable to make a protest against her actions,
knowing he had hurt her more than she could ever touch him.
  He found himself again in the small, sawdust-floored bar
where they had first tried gin and tonic.  The rain lent a
musty and moldy scent to the dim insides, mixing with the
old leather and wood. 
  Hopping slowly towards the bar, he settled on one of the
stools designed for those patrons who had long, upright legs.
Long ago the kangaroo had resigned himself to living as well
as he could in this all-too-human environment.
  He caught the bartender's eye and without even thinking
ordered a gin and tonic.  As the bartender looked him over
the kangaroo realized he was being measured for an out-of-towner.
It didn't matter; he wasn't thirsty and he had not belonged
to this town since the divorce.
  "That'll be five dollars," said the bartender.  The kangaroo
reached into his pouch and removed a single five dollar bill,
handing it to the bartender, who performed a wonderful feat
of slight-of-hand in making the bill disappear instantly.  The
kangaroo remembered how avidly he had practiced magic when younger.
  "Sorry to bother you," said the bartender, "but we don't get
many kangaroos in here."
  The kangaroo said nothing, but upturned the drink and slowly
hopped out.  Somehow the bartender knew he wouldn't be seeing
very many more kangaroos from now on.

	(sort of) by Andrew Glassner


P.S.  Kangaroos can't hang by their thumbs -- they haven't got them!


   -Andrew              uucp:    decvax!cwruecmp!glassner
                        csnet:   glassner@case
                        arpa:    glassner%case@rand-relay
                        USnail:  Andrew Glassner
                                 Box 219  1616 East 115th St
                                 Cleveland, Oh  44106 


	
	





A kangaroo walks into a USENET site, and, curious to see what humans think
is funny, logs on and starts reading net.jokes. A nearby hacker, thinking
the animal naive, decides to submit several flames about net.jokes
submissions not being funny. The kangaroo is a little amazed at what he's
reading, but he bravely plows on.

The hacker comes over after awhile and says, "We don't get many kangaroos
in here".
The kangaroo snaps back,"Some people just can't tell a joke!"

Or... The kangaroo snaps back, "Who do you think you are, Douglas Hofstadter?"

Or maybe just... The kangaroo snaps back, "With jokes like these, you won't
get many more!"

                                 Cheers,
                                   Jeff Winslow, ...!tektronix!tekecs!jeffw


{Joke in the style of Niklaus Wirth translated by Ryan McGuire}

program kangaroo_joke (input,output);

const reasonable_price=0.75;

begin
    repeat
	hop (front_door)
    until inside_saloon;
    repeat
	hop (bar);
    until close_enough_to_bar;
    writeln ('How ''bout a beer');
    while not (beer_not_there) do 
	wait_a_second;
    drink (beer);
    readln (price);
    pay (price);
    readln (comment_from_bartender);
begin
    repeat
	hop (front_door)
    until inside_saloon;
    repeat
	hop (bar);
    until close_enough_to_bar;
    writeln ('How ''bout a beer');
    while not (beer_there) do 
	wait_a_second;
    drink (beer);
    readln (price);
    pay (price);
    readln (stupid_comment_from_bartender);
    if price>=reasonable_price do
	writeln ('Ya; and at $',price,' a beer you won''t see too many more.');
    hop (away)
end.





Write if you get work and hang by your thumbs.
Steve Hawley