Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1exp 11/4/83; site ihuxi.UUCP Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!seismo!harpo!eagle!mhuxl!ihnp4!ihuxi!cjy From: cjy@ihuxi.UUCP Newsgroups: net.jokes Subject: The wit and wisdom of MURPHY Message-ID: <736@ihuxi.UUCP> Date: Wed, 14-Dec-83 16:59:28 EST Article-I.D.: ihuxi.736 Posted: Wed Dec 14 16:59:28 1983 Date-Received: Fri, 16-Dec-83 02:45:25 EST Organization: AT&T Bell Labs, Naperville, Il Lines: 269 Just took down my Murphy's Law calendar and found this on the back: WHO WAS MURPHY? What curious confluence of circumstances inspired him to formulate his now-famous precept? Murphy was Captain Ed Murphy, a development engineer from Wright Field Aircraft Laboratory. Frustration with a piece of equipment caused him to remark of the technician responsible, "If there is any way to do it wrong, he will." A couple of weeks later Colonel Stapp, in charge of experimental crash testing at Edwards Air Force Base, indicated at at press conference that the organization's fine safety record during several years of simulated crash force testing was the result of a firm belief in Mruphy's Law and constant effort to deny the inevitable. The widespread reference to the Law in manufacturer's ads within only a few months was fantastic -- and Murphy's Law was off and running. Have you ever received a phone call the minute you sat down on the toilet? Has the bus you wanted ever appeared the instant you lit up a cigarette? Has it ever started raining on the day you washed your car, or stopped raining just after you bought an umbrella? All of these incidents can be related to Murphy's Law or one of its corollaries, or to some of the laws listed below: "If I traveled to the end of the rainbow, as dame fortune did intend, Murphy would be there to tell me, The pot's at the other end!" Johnson's Second Law If in the course of several months, only three worthwhile social events take place, they will all fall on the same evening. O'Toole's Commentary Murphy was an optimist! Steele's Philosophy Everybody should believe in something -- I believe I'll have another drink. Jacob's Law To err is human -- to blame it on someone else is even more human. Kauffman's Law of Airports The distance to the gate is inversely proportional to the time left to catch the flight. Hect's Law There is no time like the present for postponing what you don't want to do. Moser's Law Exciting plays occur only while you're watching the scoreboard or are out buying a hot dog. Murphy's Law #2 When things can't get any worse, they will. Corollary: Any time things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something. Parkinson's Second Law Expenditures rise to meet income. Glyme's Formula The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made. Hartley's Second Law Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself. Sodd's Second Law Sooner or later the worst set of circumstances is bound to occur. Lieberman's Law Everybody Lies; but it doesn't matter since nobody listens. Murphy's Law #3 Kovac's Conundrum When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal. Ginsberg's Theorem 1. You can't win 2. You can't break even 3. You can't even quit the game First Law of Gardening Other people's tools work only in other people's gardens. O'Reilly's Spring Cleaning Law Cleanliness is next to impossible. Murphy's Law #4 If several things that could have gone wrong have not gone wrong, it would have been ultimately beneficial for them to have gone wrong. Cole's Law Thinly sliced cabbage. Rev. Chichester's Law If bulletin covers are in short supply, church attendance will exceed all expectations. The Murphy Philosophy Smile ... Tomorrow will be worse. Mark's Law A fool and your money are soon partners. Devries' Dilemma If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don't want hits the paper. Murphy's Law #5 Nothing looks as good close-up ... as it does from far away. Edelstein's Advice Don't worry over what people think of you. They're busy worrying over what you think of them. Skoff's Law of Mothering A child will not spill on a dirty floor. The Army Axiom Any order that can be misunderstood has been misunderstood. Telesco's Law of Nursing There are two kinds of adhesive tape, the kind that won't go on and the kind that won't come off. Swipple Rule of Order He who shouts loudest has the floor. Murphy's Law #6 There's never enough time to do it right, but there's always enough time to do it over. Thom's Law of Marital Bliss The length of a marriage is inversely proportional to the cost of the wedding. Parkinson's Fifth Law If there is any way to delay an important decision, the good bureaucracy will find it. Todd's Political Principle No matter what they tell you, they're not telling the truth. Porkingham's Fishing Philosophy The worse your line is tangled, the better is the fishing around you. Pardo's Postulate Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening. Murphy's Law #7 A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow. Crane's Law There ain't no such thing as a free lunch. Paulg's Law In America, it's not how much it costs, it's how much you save. Murray's Baseball Rule Nothing is ever so bad it can't be made worse by firing the manager. Green's Law Anything is possible, if you don't know what you're talking about. Malek's Law Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way. Murphy's Law #7 If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy man. He will find an easier way. First Law of Vacation Travel It always takes longer to get there than to get back. Murphy's Dilemma No matter how much you do, you'll never do enough. The Unapplicable Law Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work. Weinberg's Law Progress is made on alternate Fridays. Murphy's Law #9 If everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. Conway's Law In any organization there's always one person who knows what's going on ..... this person must be fired. Murphy's Law for Students If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live. Shedenhelm's Law of Backpacking All trails have more uphill sections than downhill sections. Jones' Law of TV The only show worth watching will be cancelled. Murphy's Law #10 The person who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. Jones' Law of Publishing Some errors will go unnoticed until the book is in print. Merkin's Maxim When in doubt, predict that the trend will continue. Young's Law All great discoveries are made by mistake. Arthur's Law of Love Other people's romantic gestures seem novel and exciting. Your own seem foolish and clumsy. Murray's Rule of Football The wrong quarterback is the one that's in there. Parker's Observation Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes right to the bone. Murphy's Law #11 A 60 day warranty guarantees that the product will self-destruct on the 61st day. Jacquin's Postulate No man's life, liberty or property are safe when the legislature is in session. Roger's Axiom If it is worth doing, it is worth overdoing. Murphy's Flu Philosophy You never have the right number of pills left on the last day of a prescription. Professor Black's Motto Forgive and remember. Hadley's Laws of Shopping 1. If you like it, they don't have it in your size. 2. If you like it and it's in your size, it doesn't fit. 3. If you like it and it fits, you can't afford it. 4. If you like it and it fits and yu can afford it, it falls apart the first time you wash it. McGowan's Axiom If a christmas gift is advertised as "under $50", you can bet it's not $19.99. First Rule of History History doesn't repeat itself -- historians merely repeat each other. Murphy's Tenth Corollary Mother Nature is a bitch. Law of Gifts You get the most of what you need the least. Gibb's Extension If it was bad, it'll be back.