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From: ded@aplvax.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: Famous Last Words (a composite list)
Message-ID: <451@aplvax.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 15-Dec-83 11:20:13 EST
Article-I.D.: aplvax.451
Posted: Thu Dec 15 11:20:13 1983
Date-Received: Sun, 18-Dec-83 03:06:06 EST
Organization: JHU/Applied Physics Lab, Laurel, MD
Lines: 172

Here is the list that no one has been waiting for.  Thanks to all those
who sent submissions.  Special thanks to John Hobson of AT&T Bell Labs 
and Clay Phipps of who-knows-where, both of whom sent me a large collection 
of original and funny lines.
				-- Don Davis
				   JHU/APL

FAMOUS LAST WORDS (AND OTHER LIES):
===================================

I still think the boss is one of the great assholes of all time. 
And stop shushing me.

I'm from the government, and I'm here to help you.

Don't worry, they couldn't hit an elephant at this dist

No, you don't have to unplug that appliance, it will just take me a
moment with this screwdriver.

Let's just take this shortcut across this field.  That bull doesn't
see us.

I wonder what will happen if I touch these two wires together.

Send your submissions to me.  I'll post the result to the net.

We won't need reservations.

The cops around here never give out tickets unless you are doing at
least 25 mph over the limit.

It's always sunny here this time of the year.

I have everything we will need.

Don't worry, it's not loaded.

They'd never (be stupid enough to) make him a manager.

We have a really challenging assignment for you.

If there are any resources you need to get this job done, just let us know.

My manager said he'd support me all the way up the management chain.

He says he'll join us as soon as he submits one last run.

This is a full standard Kernighan & Ritchie C compiler.

We don't need a standard; Kernighan & Ritchie completely defines the language.

We don't need a standard; Jensen & Wirth completely defines the language.

I've got a shell script that solves the problem.

All you need to know is in the manual.

I'm gonna save this file just as soon as I finish this line I'm typing.

This system hasn't crashed in ages.

My program quit working, but I haven't changed anything since the last time.

The program is designed to allow the student to finish a Ph.D. in 4 years.

But I have done it hundreds of times before...

I don't care if your chemistry teacher told you never to mix
concentrated solutions of nitric acid and sodium hydroxide.

Don't worry, I'll just whip out a little program to do that, it seems simple ... 
You and what army.

If you were as smart as you think you are, you wouldn't be a cop.

Everything's under control.

Are you kidding?

OK, I think I understand.

The program has only one little bug left.

It's only a cold sore.

But I'll always respect you...I'll respect you even more....

The check is in the mail.

It's all taken care of.

I was just going to call you.

Of course it's finished

I know it'll work

Trust Me

I'll get back to you first thing in the morning

I don't know what I would have done without you

I don't know why everyone says those nasty things about you

I didn't write it

I didn't do it

Yes, the red switch.

I was on vacation

I was out sick

Of course it's okay

Of course I turned the power off. 

{ Remember, it was the illustrious Nathan Hale who said:		   }
{	I regret that I have but 1 * for my country.			   }
{ (If you don't get it, you're not pronouncing the character correctly.)   }

It's just a silly native superstition.

I love you.

No problem 

if it were dangerous they would post a sign...

It's only a game!

This time for sure!

User transparent.

This will hurt me more than it hurts you.

I'll have it running by {tomorrow, next week, ...}

No, of course you won't get pregnant....

Why won't it compile? I didn't change a thing!

The computer screwed it up.

My dog ate it.

Why do they have this marked "Danger, do not touch"?

I promise I won't come in your mouth.

Hey, man, you look funny.

Look, if I want to listen to the radio in the bathtub, I'll listen
to the radio in the bathtub.

I've done this before and never had any trouble.

I think all you customs people are really very nosy.

John Wayne always pulls grenade pins with his teeth.

You can't miss it.
-- 

					Don Davis
					JHU/APL
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