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From: vhm55611@ihuxk.UUCP (Victor Mitnick)
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: more puns
Message-ID: <517@ihuxk.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 20-Dec-83 18:35:28 EST
Article-I.D.: ihuxk.517
Posted: Tue Dec 20 18:35:28 1983
Date-Received: Thu, 22-Dec-83 01:03:15 EST
Organization: AT&T Bell Labs, Naperville, IL
Lines: 43

Seeing how popular (or unpopular) puns have been lately, I thought I'd
throw in a few more that I came across and haven't seen here yet.


The producers of a major ice-skating show have recently made a deal with a
medical research firm so that they can offer everyone who attends the show
a free ice queen clone.


Geologists reaching the edge of the volcanic crater atop Mt. St. Helens
heard what sounded like music coming from the depths. They had a recording
engineer flown in by helicopter. He lowered a microphone and confirmed their
findings. The volcano was humming, "Lava, Come Back to Me."


In Paris, a famous chef has discovered that frogs sauteed in eggs and milk
are delicious, and thus we were given the breakfast dish French toads.


In a remote northern area of Canada where winter fuel is scarce, an ingenious
Eskimo has hooked up his stove to his outhouse. He now heats his home
with profane gas.


A farmer in Rhode Island has crossed a hen with a clock to produce
an alarm cluck.


One of the hearses owned by a New York funeral director had grown so old
that it wasn't worth much even as a trade-in. After puzzling over how to make
it profitable, the undertaker hit on the idea of offering a special price for
its use by prostitutes who had perished while practicing their profession.
Several years later, a friend asked how the plan was working out.
"Well," said the undertaker, "the old bus isn't profitable directly, but at
the end of each year it becomes the best little whore hearse in taxes."



	These were all winners in the past few years of the annual
"10 Best-Stressed Puns" awards given by the International Save-the-Pun
Foundation (really). If you care, their address is 107 Ridge Dr., Toronto,
Canada M4T 1B6. I believe they accept mailed entries for the contest
each year.