Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP
Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site allegra.UUCP
Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!seismo!harpo!eagle!allegra!karn
From: karn@allegra.UUCP (Phil Karn)
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: 11/782 announcement
Message-ID: <2135@allegra.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 22-Dec-83 17:45:44 EST
Article-I.D.: allegra.2135
Posted: Thu Dec 22 17:45:44 1983
Date-Received: Fri, 23-Dec-83 04:49:10 EST
Organization: AT&T Bell Laboratories, Murray Hill
Lines: 27

Announcing the NEW VAX 11/782!!

Be the envy of other major Communist Governments!

Defend yourself against the entire ICBM force of the imperialist USA
with just one of the processors, at the same time you're designing missile
IC's, cracking secret NATO codes and editing propaganda for your own people all
at the same time with the other! (Well, you really can't, but the Americans
think you can, and that's the point, right?)

With the standard Propaganda Revision and Video Display Assist (PRAVDA)
feature, you can support up to 50,000 stations all simultaneously
generating official information for publication!

With our new High Density Memory, the 11/782 makes a highly effective aerial
weapon.  It's so heavy that it will make a crater 30 meters in diameter if
it is thrown out of an airplane!

With the optional VAX/ABUSENET software, the 11/782 can be effectively used
to jam the Americans' highly important USENET network.  According to the
options selected, VAX/ABUSENET can either generate megabytes of intense
discussion, thereby bringing the productivity of the American economy
to its knees, or effectively flood the network such that it brings down
the entire North American switched telephone system. (Note that due to
real time requirements, the "UUCP" network software included in
VAX/ABUSENET precludes running the missile defense system at the same
time, but of course there is no need to run both simultaneously.)