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Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!seismo!harpo!decvax!microsoft!fluke!amyh
From: amyh@fluke.UUCP (Amy Heidner)
Newsgroups: net.med
Subject: Re: aging parents
Message-ID: <1159@vax3.fluke.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 1-Dec-83 16:52:08 EST
Article-I.D.: vax3.1159
Posted: Thu Dec  1 16:52:08 1983
Date-Received: Sun, 4-Dec-83 06:14:00 EST
References: <1480@tekig1.UUCP>
Organization: John Fluke Mfg. Co., Everett, Wash
Lines: 34

Several weeks back another user asked about taking older parents into one's
home.  I thought I would share my family's experience, and see what other
folks have to say.

My mom's mother moved in with my folks 7 years ago after the family
finally realized she couldn't be left to live alone (she was forgetting
to eat, among other things.  She had many friends in a local (to her
old home) nursing facility, with whom she used to play bridge twice a
week.  The family gave her a choice of moving there (requiring the
release of most of her major assets like the house in return for
lifetime care)  or moving in with my folks about 100 miles away
(paying rent and her own expenses).

To someone of her age (86 at the time) who had survived so many bad
times it seemed too hard to sign away the house, so she sold it and
opted to live with my folks.  She seems to have enjoyed it, in general,
and some of my cousins and aunts and uncles have taken her into their
homes as a vacation for both Gmom and Mom.  As she fades (now
recovering from her third stroke), however, it has become too difficult
for her to travel anywhere more than 10 minutes' ride from the house
and the wear and tear on my mom is showing.  She cannot be left alone
for more than 20 minutes, both for her own safety and to prevent
accidents (she has burned up 3 teakettles of which I'm aware).  My mom
engages a sitter (a spry lady in her early 60's) to cover while she
goes to work.  The time may soon come when a nursing facility is
inevitable.

Was it a good decision?  In retrospect, I think my mom would say yes.  The
hardest problems have been the lack of privacy for my folks, and some of
the suspicion that comes from a fading mind fearing the unknown.  Would I
do the same?  I honestly don't know.

Amy Heidner	John Fluke Mfg   Everett, WA
{sscvax|teltone|microsoft|lbl-csam|uw-beaver}!fluke!amyh