Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP
Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site felix.UUCP
Path: utzoo!linus!security!genrad!decvax!ittvax!dcdwest!sdcsvax!bmcg!felix!john
From: john@felix.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re:  Re: What Is Single (and how do I deal with it)
Message-ID: <157@felix.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 6-Dec-83 19:57:49 EST
Article-I.D.: felix.157
Posted: Tue Dec  6 19:57:49 1983
Date-Received: Fri, 9-Dec-83 03:36:51 EST
Organization: FileNet Corp., Costa Mesa, Ca.
Lines: 53


I will risk my net.neck and state that I do not agree with Greg Woods and
Jeff Sargent, and I think that many of the disputed discussions *are*
relevant here.  Perhaps I do misunderstand the original charter of
net.singles, but it does not seem to me that it must be dedicated to people
who have no "significant other" and possibly want one.  If you want
a group to discuss the such woes, lets move it to net.lonely (cheap shot?).

Single people are different from "alone people" and from "married people".
I am single, often, but not always alone.  I happen to enjoy such
discussions as "how to deal with your lover's ex", and I consider it a
relevant subject to many *single* people (and in some cases married ones too).
I guess it's a matter of personal interest.

I am also sympathetic to the anxiety of being alone and not wanting it that
way.  Fortunately at the moment I am not alone, but one never knows how
long that will last.  However, I suggest you don't brush off comments
by married folks, or comments about married life, especially the positive
ones.  Many of these people feel that their situation is a successful
achievement, and are willing to share the "secrets" of their success; they
do not just rub it in.  In some cases these people have achieved what some
of us are still looking for.  It's hard to argue with success.  There is
some good advice here, even though it may not be THE ANSWER.

Which brings me to ... THE ANSWER.  I have never found that there is any
one magic secret (anyone out there disagree?  If so, let's here it!!).
The best possible single piece of tangible advice I can offer is to
always keep a positive attitude (not what you are looking for, huh?)
about yourself, and about relationships.  Feel positive.  I know that
when I feel lonely for companionship, the longer it goes, I fell less
confidence and self esteem.  It sometimes caves in on me.  And that
feels plenty *bad*.  And it shows.  Most people are more attracted
to happy positive people anyway.  May sound trite, but ...

For a good place to meet MOTAS, my favorite is continuing education
classes at my local Junior College.  I took ceramics for a few semesters,
no major requirements, and lots of socializing.  Friends and parties
are another good source.  But we all know this already, right?  The bottom
line is, no matter where you are, the approach is usually difficult.  But
where you are may provide a "better selection".

Getting back to my original statements, I enjoy the cross section of
discussions here, and vote that net.singles be concerned with the single
(unmarried) lifestyle, not just about what is is like to be alone, and
how to overcome it.

There is more to being single than finding your MOTAS.

If you want expert advice, pay an expert.


John Gilbert
...!trw-unix!felix!john