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Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!seismo!rlgvax!cvl!umcp-cs!beth
From: beth@umcp-cs.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: long-distance relationships
Message-ID: <4303@umcp-cs.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 8-Dec-83 12:15:18 EST
Article-I.D.: umcp-cs.4303
Posted: Thu Dec  8 12:15:18 1983
Date-Received: Sat, 10-Dec-83 01:46:02 EST
References: <193@hou2a.UUCP> <4107@rochester.UUCP>
Organization: Univ. of Maryland, Computer Science Dept.
Lines: 34

Long-distance relationships can work, but it is awfully difficult.  My college
roommate was married in May after long-distancing for four years while her
now-husband went through medical school.  There were some very difficult times,
but they are happily married now. 

First LDR:.  I dated L throughout college. We went to grad schools about 300
miles apart. We had always dated other people but if we had managed to get into
the same grad school, we would probably be married now (I was too stubborn to
give up grad school). We knew we would date other people, and he is now engaged
to someone else.  We thought we would be happier with other people.  Long
distance was not a cause of our breakup.

Plug for making friends first and lovers later:
Meanwhile, I had become good friends with a person I worked with, D.  We just
started talking and spending more time together eating dinner, playing bridge,
etc.  I had more in common with him than with L.  When it came time for him to
find a job, I was still unsure of my feelings for L.  He moved about 450 miles
away, and within the month, L and I parted.  Most people here realized that D
and I had become quite close (our advisor in particular), so it comes as no
surprise that I am now involved in another LDR.  It has been 4.5 months, and
life is going well, but again I won't give up grad school, yet, but maybe ...

Moral:  LDRs can work if you really love each other.  You have to allow each
other to date and make other friends.  Talk about everyday things to keep in
touch with each other.  Write letters even about day-to-day life.

Secondary moral:  Being friends can lead to being lovers.  Being yourself is
of utmost importance.  Sooner or later the facade will have to fall.  Relax.
Too many people, particularly shy men, try too hard.

-- 
Beth Katz at Univ. of Maryland, College Park, Dept. of Computer Science
UUCP:	{seismo,allegra,brl-bmd}!umcp-cs!beth
CSNet:	beth@umcp-cs	ARPA: beth.umcp-cs@CSNet-Relay