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From: paveleck@ihldt.UUCP (Bob Paveleck)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: What is "Trying Too Hard"?
Message-ID: <2139@ihldt.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 9-Dec-83 13:27:36 EST
Article-I.D.: ihldt.2139
Posted: Fri Dec  9 13:27:36 1983
Date-Received: Sat, 10-Dec-83 22:38:24 EST
Organization: AT&T Bell Labs, Naperville, Il
Lines: 51

I've noticed a number of responses in this newsgroup to the question
of "How do you go about looking for a MOTAS (or an SO, or whatever)"?
One thing that has puzzled me in some of the responses is their advice
on "not trying too hard".

I'd like to know what net.singles readers consider to be behavior which
implies that the person is "trying too hard".  First, I'm assuming that
those people who are actively looking for a MOTAS are not being totally
unreasonable in their actions (i.e., they're not calling the person 3 times
a day, they're not driving by that person's residence like a vulture
stalking a carcass, etc.).  Here are a few other types of behavior which
you may consider:

(1) Being polite and sensitive while you're out together (don't laugh;
    I've heard that some women are attracted to men who treat them like
    they were (literally) dogs.  I don't follow this philosophy because
    I like to treat people with respect, but it exists anyway).

(2) Taking the person out to a REALLY NICE place:  Although something
    like a movie and pizza is fine, occasionally, I like to take
    a lady out to a play and/or dinner at an elegant restaurant.  I
    don't do this just to impress someone; I just like to go to places
    out of the ordinary sometimes.  I've gotten the impression that
    this is a little overwhelming and therefore, drives people away.

(3) Letting the other person choose a place to go on a date:  I like
    to give the lady the choice of doing something she'd like to do
    (I'm pretty flexible, so her choice is usually something I like
    too).  This doesn't mean I don't have any ideas (if I didn't have
    ANY ideas, I wouldn't suggest the date); I'm trying to find an
    activity that both of us would enjoy.  This, for me, has led to
    some of the longest periods of silence in history (nobody seems
    to have ANY ideas if I suggest that they give me an idea)!

(4) Occasionally buying the person something nice:  On a couple of
    occasions, I've bought flowers for the lady I was dating at the
    time (for Sweetest Day, Valentine's Day, etc.).   I didn't feel
    obligated to buy anything; I just wanted to do something nice
    for the person.  This seems to be the fastest way to get someone
    to run away from you and hide in a cave, and I don't really know
    why.

I wonder if doing these kinds of things means I'm "trying too hard",
or if some of you have done similar things with equally fabulous
results.  If we can come up with a pretty good definition of "trying
too hard", maybe we can get rid of some frustration (or at least,
know what NOT to do around MOTAS).

					Probably "trying too hard",
					Bob Paveleck
					ihldt!paveleck