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From: kenr@aat.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: trying too hard (male point of view)
Message-ID: <216@aat.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 14-Dec-83 15:10:26 EST
Article-I.D.: aat.216
Posted: Wed Dec 14 15:10:26 1983
Date-Received: Sat, 17-Dec-83 01:11:47 EST
Organization: Ann Arbor Terminals
Lines: 41

Somebody asked what it means to "try too hard" to form a relationship.
I don't have the definitive answer, but I know what *I* do when I
try too hard.  If you can see yourself in the following exaggerated
mess, then maybe you're trying too hard.

I begin to believe that I am the one and only "sensitive man".
All other men are are abusers and worse-than-abusers.  I begin to
believe that only I know that women long to be mooned at for hours
with cow-like devotion and intensity.  I make it clear that I am
available to provide these tender moments of bovine sincerity.

Also, I become too analytical of the smallest conversations.  A woman
at a party might say, "I'm going to get a beer.  Can I get you one?"
I might say "Yes."  During her absence, I will analyze the snippet of
conversation.  Must she *drink* to have fun with me? Is she using
*alcohol* as an excuse to evade my company? Am I a suitable companion
only for the *truly wasted*?  The State Department analyses Pravda less
thoroughly than I analyze party conversations.

Last, I become untrue to myself in order to appear interesting. I like
to ski, for example, but I never say that, when I'm trying too hard to
be impressive.  Instead, I'll mention that I understand all of Kurosawa's
earlier work (not in itself untrue, but what I understand is that I don't
like it), but his newer films have evaded me.  Why I strike an intellectual
pose when I'm posing is beyond me (it has *never* worked), but I do.

Other little things mark me when I try to hard.  I call women "ladies",
for example, especially in reference to what I like to do on dates: "I 
took a lady to see 'Rashomon' last night," might be typical.
Mostly though, I take myself too seriously, I lose my sense of humor,
and I deny myself the simple pleasure of my simple pleasures in favor
of a more "romantic" image.  Lucky thing I'm not that way now, eh?

Later,

Ken Rhodes	decvax!cbosg!cbosgd!aat!kenr

P.S.  All this begs the question, what am I like when I'm comfortable,
or in a relationship?  That's easy.  I'm cynical, haughty, complacent,
I drink too much, and I complain about the phone company. I sneak around
the house waiting for somebody else to do the dishes.