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Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!seismo!harpo!eagle!mhuxl!ihnp4!inuxc!pur-ee!isrnix!akp
From: akp@isrnix.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: re: trying too hard - (nf)
Message-ID: <1260@pur-ee.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 15-Dec-83 07:34:57 EST
Article-I.D.: pur-ee.1260
Posted: Thu Dec 15 07:34:57 1983
Date-Received: Sat, 17-Dec-83 02:45:25 EST
Sender: notes@pur-ee.UUCP
Organization: Electrical Engineering Department , Purdue University
Lines: 39

#N:isrnix:12800007:000:2006
isrnix!akp    Dec 12 01:04:00 1983

<=>
Trying too hard is when you don't let a minute go by in the silence of each
other's company.
...when you have an inflexible schedule for the evening which takes you from
her door (picking her up) to your door (after dropping her off), without
pauses to catch one's breath (or lose it).
...when you buy her flowers, gifts, etc., after she's said she REALLY doesn't
want you to (more seriously than, "Oh, you shouldn't have.")
...when you compromise your views for the sake of avoiding an argument --
beyond reasonable limits (deliberately vague).
...when you find yourself "trying" at all, really. It should (and in the best
cases does) come along pretty easily. That doesn't mean you can't be
considerate, or think ahead; again, there are vague "limits" to it.

With reference to point (3), letting the other person pick a date:
the "longest periods of silence in history" are not necessarily due to
not having an idea. Rather, you've dumped a veritable can of worms into
your date's lap, where she has to pick out a place/activity which she
thinks you'll enjoy, which has the "right" atmosphere, isn't too expensive
(and what can you afford, anyway?), etc. In short, all those things that
you're "supposed" to think about, you've asked her to think about, and
she's not prepared for it. Now she's on the spot, and can't think of a
thing through all the noise of worry.  Let me emphasize that she has no
idea how much you're willing/able to spend, and that is a *big* consideration.
She may suggest something which is beyond your means, but to which you'll
agree (she doesn't want that), or something unreasonably cheap, and you'll
think other strange things.

	Of course, these are just (some of the) possibilities, and they
(obviously) come from a male perspective. Mostly, the gender can be changed
without loss of meaning, to include cases when a woman asks a man out (and
hence takes on the "responsibility" for guiding the evening(?)).

							-- Allan Pratt
				...decvax!ihnp4!iuvax!isrnix!akp