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From: flink@umcp-cs.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.singles,net.women
Subject: Re: relevancy of this topic to net.women
Message-ID: <4446@umcp-cs.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 15-Dec-83 19:21:43 EST
Article-I.D.: umcp-cs.4446
Posted: Thu Dec 15 19:21:43 1983
Date-Received: Sun, 18-Dec-83 09:12:26 EST
Organization: Univ. of Maryland, Computer Science Dept.
Lines: 44

Lisa S. Chabot said this about an article of mine:

	I was not pleased to see posted in net.women a response to a letter
	I'd written to net.singles ... [The] topic is appropriate to
	net.singles, possibly net.women.  But if I thought it was relevant
	to net.women I would have posted it here.  And if it was relevant to
	net.women, why wasn't it also posted to net.motss, which is probably
	a more appropriate place.  Do I detect an MCP and a MHeterosexualCP
	attitude blaming women because someone is tense about asking someone
	out for a date because they've been turned down in the past?  Why
	don't we carry on this discussion in net.singles...

I thought the topic appropriate to net.women because my comments were
directed to women and particularly to feminists.  I don't see why it would
be more appropriate to net.motss.  I was complaining about the *imbalance*
between the sexes in the distribution of asking-out vs. being-asked. 

I don't think anyone is blaming women for his nervousness.  But if most
people feel uncomfortable/nervous/etc. when they ask someone out (and I
think most people do, at least a little), isn't it only fair that this
burden be divided equally?  You seem to be saying "your tenseness is your
own damn fault and you're trying to blame it on women."  I'm saying that
tenseness is normal for the ask-er, and so it would be nice to get to be the
ask-ee a "fair share" of the time.

Everyone seems to be thinking the grass is greener on the other side of the
fence:  men seem to be saying the ask-ee has it easier, women the opposite.
I guess the solution is to ask people who have been ask-ee and ask-er
approximately equally, which position they think has the most power.  Their
opinions would be less biased.  (I bet they'd agree w/ me, but then of
course I'm biased, but even so ...)

I dislike the insinuation that men have the better side of the bargain but
pretend they have the worse (I realize that that happens frequently, but I
don't think it's true here).  And finally, I would sure appreciate it if
feminist women would admit that JUST THIS ONCE (or at least in SOME
instance) the gender roles work out more to the disadvantage of my sex than
of yours.

		--Paul 
			"If you want to offend someone, tell him
			he hasn't suffered as much as you have!"
								  Torek
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