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Path: utzoo!linus!security!genrad!decvax!tektronix!orca!ariels
From: ariels@orca.UUCP (Ariel Shattan)
Newsgroups: net.singles,net.women
Subject: Re: relevancy of this topic to net.women
Message-ID: <408@orca.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 19-Dec-83 14:38:48 EST
Article-I.D.: orca.408
Posted: Mon Dec 19 14:38:48 1983
Date-Received: Wed, 21-Dec-83 02:28:51 EST
References: <4446@umcp-cs.UUCP>
Organization: Tektronix, Wilsonville OR.
Lines: 32

Paul Torek says:


>Everyone seems to be thinking the grass is greener on the other side of the
>fence:  men seem to be saying the ask-ee has it easier, women the opposite.
>I guess the solution is to ask people who have been ask-ee and ask-er
>approximately equally, which position they think has the most power.  Their
>opinions would be less biased.  (I bet they'd agree w/ me, but then of
>course I'm biased, but even so ...)

Well, I've asked men out, and I've sat around waiting to be asked
out, and I much prefer to be ask-er than to be ask-ee (sorry, Paul).
I can handle being rejected by someone who I don't know very well
(rejection by friends is another matter entirely, but that's another
topic altogether), but I HATE sitting around waiting.  Someone I
know has a theory; she says that shy people learn to "take the bull
by the horns," so to speak, and create situations so that they don't
have to deal with the unexpected.  A person who waits around must
deal with the situations that others propose, whereas those who get
out and propose themselves don't need to react to anything more
unexpected than a rejection.

I guess the best approach for the ask-er is to not place so much
emphasis on the date.  If (s)he rejects you, so what?  There are
plenty of other fish in the sea. (or, as my grandmother says, "(wo)Men
are like streetcars, another one always comes along.")


Ariel (I'd rather be a hammer than a nail) Shattan
decvax!tektronix!tekecs!ariels