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From: hood@uiucuxc.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: Cold Cure - (nf)
Message-ID: <4871@uiucdcs.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 11-Jan-84 22:31:00 EST
Article-I.D.: uiucdcs.4871
Posted: Wed Jan 11 22:31:00 1984
Date-Received: Sun, 15-Jan-84 00:03:01 EST
Lines: 45

#N:uiucuxc:3500121:000:1875
uiucuxc!hood    Jan 11 13:17:00 1984

		Do-It-Yourself Cold Cure Kit

INSTRUCTIONS:

Prepare rum and Coke - three pars rum, one part Coke, no ice. (Ice would only
dilute the medicinal properties of the rum.)

Take hefty swig of drink while you search for a saucepan.  Put required water
in pan as indicated on envelope of chicken soup mix.  All this activity will 
make you dry - swig more rum and Coke.

Place pan on stove, turn burner on.  Finish rum and Coke.  Prepare new drink -
taste test.  Taste test again.

Stick figner in pan of water to see if hot.  Sip drink, ponder if water needs
to be hotter.  If water was boiling, sip drink to kill pain in burned finger.

Open soup envelope, pour mix into cup.  Be sure cup is large - by this
point, your coordination probably isn't up to pouring boiling water into
a small cup ... no sense parboiling extremities!  Finish drink.  Prepare new
drink.  Taste test (the drink).  Dump required water over soup mix.  Sip
drink.  Stir soup.  Finish drink.  Taste soup.  Pour soup down the garbage
disposal.  Fix new drink - who the hell needs chicken soup anyway?

Finsh drink - toddle of to bed.  Upon arising, prepare Alka-Seltzer.  Place
fingers in ears - fizzing sound will exacerbate already excruciating headache.  
Drink Alka-Seltzer.  Belch.  Phone office and tell them you're staying home
because of a cold.  This sounds better that staying home with a hang over.

[This note was ACTUALLY sent to me in an envelope containing a package of
soup and a package of Alka-Seltzer! (snif-snif)]

                              _
                             (_)
                              |         Efrem Kurtz
                              |
                          ____|____|     The Ice Runner
                         (    |    |
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