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From: emjej@uokvax.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: recognizing aliens? - (nf)
Message-ID: <4878@uiucdcs.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 11-Jan-84 22:48:28 EST
Article-I.D.: uiucdcs.4878
Posted: Wed Jan 11 22:48:28 1984
Date-Received: Sun, 15-Jan-84 00:04:25 EST
Lines: 43

#N:uokvax:7500085:000:1729
uokvax!emjej    Jan 11 00:10:00 1984

By request, I here post information from the *National Enquirer* on
how you can tell whether your neighbor is a "space alien," supplied
to the *Enquirer* by "Brad Steiger, a renowned UFO investigator" and
"Dr. Thomas Easton, a theoretical biologist and futurist." I trust
that everyone will consider this an acceptable message for net.jokes,
given what I understand to be the constraints...

1. Unusual sleep or work patterns (the length of their home planet's day
   may differ from Earth's)

2. Psychological or physical reaction when near "high-tech hardware
   that radiates electromagnetic waves"

3. Anxiety when using primitive Earth transportation (they're used to
   safe transportation on their home planet)

4. Constantly gathering information (buying newspapers, magazines,
   foreign language courses, to aid them in gathering information
   about Earth)

5. Owning lots of high-tech hardware, e.g. computers (needed to help
   them gather information etc.)

6. Not knowing how to use everyday items (would *you* know how to use
   everyday items on an alien planet? :->)

7. Poor interior decorating (I guess *Better Homes and Gardens*
   isn't one of the magazines they buy (see (4)) :->)

8. Keeping an unusual, highly protected object in the home (possibly
   a device for communicating with fellow aliens)

Note that your neighbor would have to have most of these qualities
for you to "positively identify him as an alien." Also, even if you
do suspect somebody, you should do nothing other than be nice to them;
after all, Mr. Steiger thinks "space aliens living here on Earth are
on a goodwill mission that will usher in a golden age for humanity."

				Looking for a girl from planet Claire,
				James Jones