Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP
Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site qubix.UUCP
Path: utzoo!linus!decvax!decwrl!sun!qubix!steven
From: steven@qubix.UUCP (Steven Maurer)
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: Mc'Computer
Message-ID: <802@qubix.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 26-Jan-84 04:31:01 EST
Article-I.D.: qubix.802
Posted: Thu Jan 26 04:31:01 1984
Date-Received: Sun, 29-Jan-84 00:48:37 EST
Organization: Qubix Graphic Systems, Saratoga, CA
Lines: 74

x


Last night I dreamed that UNIX had developed a "Fast Food Philosophy",
as the latest approach to so called "user-friendly" computing.

I went to log in, in the morning.   When I arrived, I found that the normal
login proceedure had been scrapped, and replaced with a single screen menu
of commands.  Each of them was larger than I remembered, but all were very
simple to use.   It read:

    MC' EZ-MENU

    Please order your command by pressing the number key, which looks
    exactly like the number below.

    Number to press        What they do

	    1              Print out a Mc'Smiley-Face on this screen.

	    2              Print out a Mc'Smiley-Face on the printer.

	    3              Order Mc'Fries.

	    4              Special order.

Knowing that I needed to get some work done, and realizing that
none of it included printing out a smiley-face, I typed `4'.

The next thing I knew, the computer had opened up with a gingle 
about "Special order, special faces", and printed out a
rasterized image of a blonde air-head, smiling at me.   She was
very polite, if not very helpful.

I asked her how I could call some command other than the ones listed,
and what the Special Order could do for me.   She said:  "I'm sorry,
the Special Order, only adds or removes items from the smiley-face.
Would you like a large Mc'Fries to go with that sir?".   I politely
declined.

I was returned to the original menu, and I immediately typed a 4 again,
since that was the only command which seemed to do anything at all.
This time a rasterized image of a man appeared.  He was wearing an
official looking Mc'HappyHat, and had a button labeled "Manager".

"Look, is there any way at all that I can get into my account, and
edit my files?", I said, beginning to loose patience.
"Oh, NO!!", the Mc'HappyHat said, "That is WAY too dangerous an operation
for us to let customers try.  But thank you for your suggestion.  We will
send it up the appropriate channels for consideration."   The screen
reverted to the original menu....

By this time, I was furious.   I needed to get into my account, edit my
assignment, and print it out.  Just to see what would happen, I hit all
the different keys: 1 through 3.  The smiley face was printed on paper
towels, and the fries were cut out of cardboard.

So I typed '4' again, seething with anger.   The Mc'HappyHat picture
had hardly appeared, before I started screaming obsenities:
"Look you, goddamed piece of shit!  I need to get into my account, and
get some work done!   And I heartally suggest that you find some way
to do it!".

The image frowned, its plastic frown, and said:  "I am sorry that we
cannot be of service to you, sir.  Also, that you cannot retain a more
civil tounge, around this Family Computer.   Therefore we will have to
refuse service to you.  We have a very strict security policy."
The screen turned blank, and I continued kicking it until some
"Mc'Security Guards" (called by the computer), grabbed me.  I screamed
and woke up.

Steven Maurer