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From: benw@pyuxn.UUCP (B Weber)
Newsgroups: net.kids
Subject: Re: On Natural Mothering (FLAME)
Message-ID: <387@pyuxn.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 20-Dec-83 14:10:25 EST
Article-I.D.: pyuxn.387
Posted: Tue Dec 20 14:10:25 1983
Date-Received: Fri, 6-Jan-84 04:15:31 EST
Organization: Bell Labs, Piscataway
Lines: 56

What an amazing article!  Sounds like you're really in tune the
the cosmic ecological vibes, 'cause, like, babies need their space
to relate to.

What a crock!!

We have twin girls, 7 months old (Allison and Shannon).  They are
bottle fed, with a flexible schedule.  The last bottle of the night
is just that.  They sleep in their own room, in their own cribs.  They
use pacifiers (they often put them in themselves).  The results are:
1)  a  close,  loving  relationship  with 
wonderful  little persons who just happens to be your child!
2) children who knows what love is and feels deeply loved, 3)  a  sense
of  satisfaction  that  you  gave  of  yourself to do your job of
parenting as well as you could.

Other results are:
4) A close loving relationship with a person who just happens to be
my wife.  5) Children who are self reliant, confident,  can learn
on their own and occupy themselves. 6) Parents who can perform other
functions besides parenting.

We don't neglect our kids.  I won't go into the details of
how we are raising them, but we give them all the attention they need;
they are happy and alert and have wonderful dispositions (sorry, but
they've always slept through the night...maybe I should wake them
up for a feeding). The main "method" is to use our common sense, and
that means, to us, a time for them, a time for us, and a time for
all of us together.

Natural parenting? What is that, exactly?  Organic parents? EST for
tots?  I am very tired of hearing and reading what I MUST do to be
a good parent, lest I scar my children for life.  We do what our common
sense dictates.  That does not include spending ALL of our time with our
kids, dedicating EVERY MOMENT of our attention to them, or letting them
alone dictate our lives.  I mean, housework has to get done too, y'know.

Every author in the world is an expert, and there are a lot of child
raising books that set me on the floor laughing.  For instance, one
book (whose name, gratefully, escapes me), stated that you should
NEVER, EVER, EVER ignore a child's cry. (a view with which you agree,
no doubt).  Does the author have kids? We can tell when our kids
are uncomfortable, in pain, hungry, etc, but sometimes they cry
because they are overtired, just in a cranky mood, and even (shocks
of shocks) because they don't want to be held anymore.  I do believe
that you can be overattentive; I feel it is as bad as neglect, but
that is beside the point.  If you feel that "natural" parenting is
the way to go, fine...we all take our consequences.  But don't label
parents who raise children in the accepted way of our culture as
"unfulfilled"; don't look down on the rest of society.  Our kids
are NOT unnatural, NOT inferior,
and will no doubt grow up to lead good, productive lives.

						Ben Weber
						AT&T T (WECO) PY
						pyuxn!benw