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From: sdyer@bbncca.ARPA (Steve Dyer)
Newsgroups: net.motss
Subject: Re: "Felix" and parents
Message-ID: <459@bbncca.ARPA>
Date: Mon, 9-Jan-84 02:20:42 EST
Article-I.D.: bbncca.459
Posted: Mon Jan  9 02:20:42 1984
Date-Received: Mon, 9-Jan-84 04:45:31 EST
References: <19079@wivax.UUCP>
Organization: Bolt, Beranek and Newman, Cambridge, Ma.
Lines: 35

"Felix" said something particularly interesting in the last message I
posted for him:

       >An outside observer would be quick to point out that I practically
       >erase part of myself when I visit my parents...

That REALLY rings a bell.  When I realized early on that I couldn't
share many important aspects of my life with them, once I realized
that I was gay, I began to re-form my relationship to them.  This
began almost before puberty, and has lasted until even now.  "OK, so
you're not out to them, so what?", you might ask.  In my case, I found
that my reserve has spread to other, more mundane things.  That is,
because I could or would not share one of the central, pivotal facts
of my life, I also began to no longer consider them as people I would 
consult about other important matters.  Thus, I felt myself
independent very early, even during my teenage years.  This sounds a
bit sad, but it isn't really; it is hard for me to imagine any other
way.  We get along very well, and holidays and phone calls are always
enjoyable.  But we don't deal in very deep issues--family stuff,
mainly.

I bring this up because it's interesting to see how this (and Felix's
comment) compares with others' experiences.  I have always felt that
the early perception of one's "difference" profoundly affects the way
one behaves in the world.  Comments?

P.S.: I am contributing a lot lately because I haven't said much in a while,
      but also to help stimulate discussion here.  I tend to vaccilate between
      "If they don't want to contribute to the group, then screw 'em" and
      realizing that net.motss' readership is much larger than its contributors
      and that every person's comments are valuable to very many people.
-- 
/Steve Dyer
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