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From: riddle@ut-sally.UUCP (Prentiss Riddle)
Newsgroups: net.motss
Subject: Re: "Felix" and parents
Message-ID: <746@ut-sally.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 9-Jan-84 12:38:06 EST
Article-I.D.: ut-sally.746
Posted: Mon Jan  9 12:38:06 1984
Date-Received: Tue, 10-Jan-84 02:15:29 EST
References: <19079@wivax.UUCP> <459@bbncca.ARPA>
Organization: U. Texas CS Dept., Austin, Texas
Lines: 34

"Felix's" comment about parents, echoed by Steve Dyer:

       >An outside observer would be quick to point out that I practically
       >erase part of myself when I visit my parents...

is something, I suspect, that many straights can identify with as well.  One
outstanding example is my girlfriend.  A few of you may recall the situation
from my description of it in net.singles some months back: she was born in
India and immigrated to this country with her family as a child; her parents
think of her as a Nice Little Indian Girl when in fact she is an American
woman in far more respects than she is an Indian.  In her relationship with
her family she is forced to play a Dr. Jekyll / Mr. Hyde game of maintaining
a separate personality for use on visits home.  (Up until recently, this
included hiding almost all aspects of her relationship with me, since white
boys didn't fit in her parents' picture of their daughter's life.  I'm happy
to report that things have recently taken a drastic turn for the better.)

But I don't think you have to hunt for extreme cases to find people who have
experienced feelings similar to those described by "Felix" and Steve.  I, too,
can identify with almost all of Steve's description of his relationship with
his parents: a recognition "almost before puberty" of differences between us,
a choice not to reveal certain aspects of my life to them, a spreading awareness
that "I also began to no longer consider them as people I would consult about
other important matters", an early sense of independence, and the resolution
of the relationship into an "enjoyable" one avoiding very deep issues and
centering on "family stuff, mainly."  I went through the same process, and
without any Big Secret, any part of myself which they would reject out of hand.
To this day I don't know what my "difference" from my folks was, but I always
knew that there was one.  I suspect that what distinguishes my experience from
that of "Felix" and Steve is a matter of degree.
---
Prentiss Riddle
("Aprendiz de todo, maestro de nada.")
{ihnp4,seismo,ctvax}!ut-sally!riddle