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From: phipps@fortune.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: What is "Trying Too Hard"?
Message-ID: <2123@fortune.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 28-Dec-83 21:57:08 EST
Article-I.D.: fortune.2123
Posted: Wed Dec 28 21:57:08 1983
Date-Received: Sat, 31-Dec-83 11:39:14 EST
References: <988@sdchema.UUCP>
Organization: Fortune Systems, Redwood City, CA
Lines: 38

Denise's followup to this now-catch-all topic about arranging 
first dates over the telephone struck me as unequitable.
When she was asked about one evening and indicated she was busy,
and likewise busy for the next day's lunch, &c.,
nowhere was there any response from her that indicated 
that the problem was one of scheduling, rather than interest.
I think that any of the following might have made a crucial difference
(no later than the caller's second suggested time for a meeting):

o   interrupt the conversion and
    point out to that person that you really are busy with pre-scheduled
    activities, and reveal some times in your schedule that are free, 
    and ask your caller to choose one.

o   turn the tables outright and suggest a time of your own
    and ask if your caller is free then.

I have noticed that some women guard information about when they are free
to an excessive degree.  This sometimes results in a 
rather frosty tone of voice when speaking the words "no, I'm busy".
This can be extremely discouraging, especially if you've already
had a rough day (especially the ones that severely deplete your ability
to bounce back from hearing things you don't want to hear).

My basic idea is that a genuinely busy person who is also genuinely
interested in their caller can make it clear that the problem at hand
is solely one of scheduling.  This does not occur automatically,
and does require a minimal amount of thought and effort.
If Denise really gave her caller no help in scheduling that first date,
it doesn't surprise me much that he gave up in discouragement.
The two suggestions above work for me, at least.

-- Clay Phipps

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