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From: rh@mit-eddie.UUCP (Randy Haskins)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: What is "Trying Too Hard"?
Message-ID: <1109@mit-eddie.UUCP>
Date: Sun, 1-Jan-84 22:13:28 EST
Article-I.D.: mit-eddi.1109
Posted: Sun Jan  1 22:13:28 1984
Date-Received: Mon, 2-Jan-84 04:31:12 EST
References: <2139@ihldt.UUCP> <988@sdchema.UUCP>
Organization: MIT, Cambridge, MA
Lines: 35

Originally, (when I first read this article), I was going to point
out that communication is the important thing.  But, since everyone
has already lambasted Denise for not telling the guy that she was
interested but busy (welcome to netnews, Denise), I'll punt that
line.  What I want to focus on is attitude in general.  

A lot of people have problems in the MOTOS arena.  The key to the
problem is the last word in the sentence.  They think of getting
someone to go out with them as some kind of contest, some intense
competition, where they must resort to any means, no matter how
devious, to succeed.  Also, they feel the "target" is trying hard
to evade them, so the attack must be truly awesome (not in Val-speak)
to succeed.  A truly sad view of the world.  

	I suppose the thing about trying too hard stems from
anxiousness, which is akin to anxiety, but not quite the same.
This also has to do with self-confidence.  If a man calls up a
woman, thinking to himself, "She's too good for me, she'll never
say yes...", then he's going to be anxious.  This is also going to
be obvious.  I used to think this way (so did everyone, probably),
but I got better.  

While I'm submitting, let's talk a little about lonliness.  Having
just ended a relationship that had been sort of there for 1-1/2 years,
I'm now for the first time in years feeling "lonely."  I attribute
this to longing for a presence to snuggle up to (not for sex), which
is something I hadn't really had much of before this latest relationship
(this was very close to living together).  I'm trying to decide whether
I've become less secure and personally fulfilled in the last 2 years,
or whether I'd just dropped the defenses against lonliness and haven't
brought them back up.  Anyone have similar experience?

(too long and too incoherent....)
-- 
Randwulf  (Randy Haskins);  Path= genrad!mit-eddie!rh