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From: spaf@gatech.UUCP (Gene Spafford)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: What is "Trying Too Hard"?
Message-ID: <3078@gatech.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 2-Jan-84 12:33:33 EST
Article-I.D.: gatech.3078
Posted: Mon Jan  2 12:33:33 1984
Date-Received: Wed, 4-Jan-84 02:42:22 EST
References: <1109@mit-eddie.UUCP>
Organization: Georgia Tech School of ICS, Atlanta
Lines: 43


    While I'm submitting, let's talk a little about lonliness.  Having
    just ended a relationship that had been sort of there for 1-1/2 years,
    I'm now for the first time in years feeling "lonely."  I attribute
    this to longing for a presence to snuggle up to (not for sex), which
    is something I hadn't really had much of before this latest relationship
    (this was very close to living together).  I'm trying to decide whether
    I've become less secure and personally fulfilled in the last 2 years,
    or whether I'd just dropped the defenses against lonliness and haven't
    brought them back up.  Anyone have similar experience?
    
    Randwulf  (Randy Haskins);  Path= genrad!mit-eddie!rh

Hell, yes.  I had a relationship of about the same type and duration
break up in early 1983, and I found it interesting what I missed most.
I really miss having somebody I could put my arms around and relax
with.  I've heard from someone that we need three good hugs a day or we
begin to "shrink" inside.  I'm afraid I've shrunk a lot in the last
year.

I've not really been lonely, for I have many wonderful friends around,
and many more just a phone call away.  And it isn't because I'm less
secure or fulfilled as a result of the relationship; if anything, I
think I grew quite a bit (although I wonder if I'll ever be able to
trust someone quite as fully again).  Still, I have a feeling that is
like "lonely" in its nature.  I think it is just the reaction to having
to "shut down" an aspect of myself that I like to have active.  I don't
have anyone to fill that particular niche in my emotional environment,
and I miss it.  As physical beings we all have needs for food, for sex,
for sleep, for exercise....and as emotional beings we all have needs
for friendship and for emotional intimacy.

It's not that you're any less, or less able, Randy.  You didn't lose
anything in those 2 years. You're just "hungry."  Just don't let it
push you into accepting any junk food of the heart when there are
gourmets' delights waiting to be had.  (How's that for pushing
analogies too far?).

-- 
Off the Wall of Gene Spafford
School of ICS, Georgia Tech, Atlanta GA 30332
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