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From: mokhtar@ubc-visi
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: confidence
Message-ID: <596@ubc-visi.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 3-Jan-84 23:18:02 EST
Article-I.D.: ubc-visi.596
Posted: Tue Jan  3 23:18:02 1984
Date-Received: Thu, 5-Jan-84 01:14:21 EST
Lines: 23


  
   A few people have used the terms "shyness" and "lack of self confidence"
 equivalently in their articles. I like to point out that they are totally
 different. I have been shy and inconfident. I have also been shy and con-
 fident. You probably won't understand this if you are not shy or if you 
 never knew a shy person intimately. So why am I saying it? Hesitate before
 calling a shy person inconfident. It is NOT a given.
   One more point. As a shy man, I have never desired to be more "unshy".
 Sometimes I have desired to be more confident but I have always been
 concerned about not being "very confident". It is dangerous, blinding 
 and can be much worse than being inconfident. In my opinion, if you find
 that you have to show a lot of confidence to attract somebody's attention,
 something is defenitely WRONG. Confidence of a person is shaped by 
 individual achievements and failures, the opportunities they get to make
 those achievements (i.e. this is not an equal opportunity world) and
 past experiences among other things. It's nice to be confident and have
 good reasons for it but it should not be made into a prerequisite. If it 
 is done, it will create a lot of hollow confidence. Don't let anyone
 reduce you to an image. The justification being lonely or looking for a  
 friend will not make it any better. I fear loneliness but I fear being
 "just" like the crowd more.