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Path: utzoo!watmath!watcgl!dmmartindale
From: dmmartindale@watcgl.UUCP (Dave Martindale)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: The Other Side of the Fence
Message-ID: <1183@watcgl.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 6-Jan-84 15:34:28 EST
Article-I.D.: watcgl.1183
Posted: Fri Jan  6 15:34:28 1984
Date-Received: Sat, 7-Jan-84 00:25:56 EST
References: <229@wu1.UUCP>
Organization: U of Waterloo, Ontario
Lines: 46

	From: rf@wu1.UUCP

	John Hall (ihuxu!jhall) comments ". . . don't most women turn
	down men because they aren't interested in them (--> don't like
	them)?  I don't see what a woman could say to soften that blow."

	How much of a blow can a refusal be?  We men seem to have
	awfully fragile egos.  Perhaps we are taught sexual insecurity?

					Randolph Fritz

A refusal can be quite a blow if the man is generally insecure about
relations with women, has little or no confidence in his attractiveness
to women, manages to muster the nerve to express an interest in only
one or maybe two women per year, and particularly if he already knows
the woman and has become fond of her at the point he indicates an
interest in something beyond friendship and gets turned down.

This is a reasonably good description of myself at some point in the
past, and of a number of other men I knew.  Self-confidence comes
from training or experience - if someone lacks both, they may very well
lack confidence.  Is this entirely the fault of these men, or
circumstance as well?

Consider driving to your nearest small airport, renting a plane, and
flying somewhere in it.  I am confident of my ability to do this,
at least for aircraft that I have flown before.  Are you?
("you" is addressed to the readership in general; I'm not picking on
Randolph.)  If not, why not?  Could it be lack of experience?
(And what would you think of someone who was confident of their
talent as a pilot without having had any actual experience or training?)
The analogy seems a bit strained, but principally because it seems that
everyone is expected to get a great deal of social training as they grow
up while flight training is reserved for those who want it badly.

Do not most men and women feel a bit shaky when trying anything
the first few times, until they gain confidence?  Isn't the pressure
and thus insecurity particularly intense when a possible
"relationship" is involved, since this is simply so much more important
to (most) people than almost anything else?

Under these circumstances, is the appearance of a "fragile ego"
so difficult to understand?  Or is it true that Real Men never
doubt themselves?  :-}

	Dave Martindale