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From: phil@amd70.UUCP (Phil Ngai)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: 1. What if s/he accepts?  2. Why on earth am I attracted to HER?
Message-ID: <4231@amd70.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 12-Jan-84 03:24:40 EST
Article-I.D.: amd70.4231
Posted: Thu Jan 12 03:24:40 1984
Date-Received: Fri, 13-Jan-84 06:12:32 EST
References: <435@pucc-h>
Organization: AMD, Santa Clara, CA
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Jeff, I'm not sure I can answer all your questions but I did want to respond.

> recreation.  When I make a date to be with an interesting woman (or, for
> that matter, with any friend of either sex), I just want to get together
> and talk, possibly over a meal and/or libations.  Do there exist women who
> are amenable to such a program?

Yes, I know some. For me, it's one of the most rewarding things I can do
with someone, given the right person. I also find that with the right person
it doesn't matter *what* we do. As an example, I don't even mind helping
her work on her yard.

> The whole point of this is:  Supposing you get something started, how do you
> minimize the probability of its exploding in your face, or else slowly (and
> possibly torturedly) dying away?  Am I correct in guessing that rejection
> after a relationship has gone on for a while is much more painful than
> rejection when one first asks a MOTAS out?

I don't know how to minimize the probability of being hurt. I do know it
can hurt a lot. But the potential rewards are much greater too. I like to
think that as I mature I am more capable of dealing with life when it's not
going the way I want it. So if you don't think you could handle being
rejected after going out with someone for a few months perhaps you should
wait until you are more ready. I don't think it'll ever be easy.

> What does one do when one finds oneself attracted to a MOTAS with whom one is
> at least 80% sure one would not be compatible?  Yes, I know I need to
> continue to psychoanalyze myself and see what hidden motives lie behind
> this; but this is a young woman I've known for years and have had some
> sinusoidal (sometimes strong, sometimes practically absent) feelings for
> during much of that time. It would seem a shame just to allow (or force)
> the feelings to die without at least telling her about them (as a compliment
> if nothing else); but she and I differ so vastly (at least I think so) that
> I doubt we could really understand each other too well.

Please don't confuse being different with being incompatible. One of the
more rewarding things in life is getting inside someone else's head and
understanding their view of life. It's good for you too! This experience
is an opportunity for real growth for both of you. I wouldn't pursue it if
she weren't interested, of course.

I think you want to know if you should take any action on your feelings for
this woman. From what you have said, I don't see any reason why you shouldn't
so why don't you get to know her better before you come to a final decision?
And don't worry if your relationship isn't progressing like you think other
people's relationships are, it's not a competition.

Good luck, Jeff.
-- 
Phil Ngai (408) 988-7777 {ucbvax,decwrl,ihnp4,allegra,intelca}!amd70!phil